Thirteen Rabbits

today i learnt that a four-storey fall will not break a single Pringles potato crisp.

one day i shall go to the 12th storey and fling a Pringle out.
wonder what will happen.

maybe Pringles are too light to be smashed.
hm.

off to school now.
hahahah

sometimes you really do get a second chance.
making mistakes doesnt mean it's the end of the world.

i envy children.
they fall down, but are on their feet the next second as if nothing happened. the fall doesnt dampen their spirits, tho it slowed them down a second. that is all.
they don't care what people think. if they want to play on the train, they play. maybe it is because they only think about themselves. in their minds they go: i wanna play. and they do it. -end of thinking.-
this probably reflects their level of responsibility. hahaha
lets say they have hmwk, but they wanna play.
they choose play over work, naturally.
it may be an immediate, short-term satisfaction they're after
but they have all the fun in the world. even if just for the hour they spend playing.

im 16. less than 4 months till i turn 17.
16 years.
and i havent done anything right.

sometimes we should live life on the edge. or at least close to the edge.
always keeping to the norm and not daring to be different means you miss out on so many other great things.

(suddenly uses Singlish)
haiya. sian ah.
so old liao. havent accomplish anything yet.
worse still, havent start to live yet.
wasted one and a half decades.
wth happened to these 16 years

makes you wonder what youve been doing

hai. im scared. scared 'cause of the possibility that
tomorrow,
i might be dead.
i might be paralysed.
i might have turned into a vegetable
i wouldnt be able to enjoy life to the fullest
16 years would add up to nothing.

i don't want to regret not living
i don't want to wake up one day
old and shriveled. Plagued by arthritis or Alzheimer’s
or, more probably, cancer.
(hm, might not have to wait so long for cancer)
anyway,
i don't want to wake up 40 years from now and realise
i havent lived. and that it was too late to start living.
im too old; im too sick

right now, it's always
im too busy.
and im already waking up to the realisation that i havent lived.

it's not about being successful.
its not who earns the most money.
its not who has the bigger house, car, or plasma tv.
its about who had enjoyed life most.
its about who lived.

will you be the one who lived?

woot! so i finished coloring another image.
focusing on getting the hair right this time.
long ways to go still :
not gonna put the pic here tho.
din ask for permission to use the pic
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
but then, im using it as my msn pic for now.
hahahahahahahahahaha

one day i will color!!!!!! *laughs maniacally* ooh pretty eh? i like the eyes 

:(
feel like photoshopping. lol
thats a funny verb.
no time to play these days
lecturers have finally covered enough work to start on tutorials
:(
oh, i complain so much.
nvm, a little more won't harm. anyway this is MY blog. geez.
so here goes

all these people
don't have a sense of humor
i swear, they wouldnt know a joke if it danced naked in front of them wearing Dobby's tea cozy
(gosh, i cant believe that phrase stuck in my mind for so long. its from Harry Potter, btw. mustve read it like, 3 years ago)
ha ha ha.
perhaps im exaggerating just a teeny bit.
theyre idea of funny is, um...
hmm............ i'll get back to you on that.
they need to relax man. geez. so strung up like.
it makes me sick crazy when they say im mad cuz i laugh or do silly things.
silly things like folding a paper plane and attempting to fly it in the library. it was only 2 meters for cryin' out loud!
but i digress.
why do they have to live life like they were gonna live forever?
if they died tomorrow, they'd probably regret havent had enough fun.
they should loosen up. being with them is enough to make me wanna smash my head on the wall (imagine the look on their faces!)
its all work work work with them. oh so serious.
im talking about a particular 9-pointer girl. and thats L1R5.
(yea, im wondering what she's doing in poly too)
HAH. i wager i'd keep my sanity longer than her, at the rate she's going

and being with some people. making my english de-prove. oh the horror!
(bangs head on wall)

anyhoo, i really really REALLY wish people could appreciate mild humor.
doesnt have to be Laugh Out Loud kinda funny. hell, even something remotely amusing shld be appreciated (if you know what i mean).

i wish people werent so blind. if only they could see.
seeing amusing things in the littlest things doesnt mean you are crazy
why cant they get that?

i feel like grabbing their heads, dragging them to the nearest window and saying "LOOK! look at that cloud! Looks just like Dobby in his tea-cozy! Isnt that funny! Now laugh! Laugh, damnit!"

errrr...
i thought of something to blog about during lecture today
too bad i cant remember it now.

um, i think it was sth about talking.
something.
something like why people talk so much.

you have talkative people, and u have quiet ones.
i know someone, who at the moment she's bored (even if its only 5 minutes) takes out her phone and calls someone (or rather, gets someone to call her. free incoming, see?)
it puzzles me
quiet people are the ones who have the most going on in their heads.
so many things buzzing around, they have trouble expressing themselves, cuz all their thoughts just wanna come out at the same time, so they just keep quiet
it always happens to me. im far from quiet. mostly i think its cuz i need to improve my conversational skills.
hahahhaa

i havent eaten chocolate in weeks.
*cheers

whee i finally finished coloring. um, i haf to say it was slipshod la. lol. the shades are all wrong. but whatever. lol. great feeling of accomplishment. must savour it. oh yea. the pic's so tiny cuz if u saw the details, u'd kill me.
line art by Evil Tiger. taken from http://www.artcorner.org/

i get extremely frustrated when people say 'she's crazy'
simply because i act differently.

being alone is nice.
its like...for a while every day, i can get away from all that craziness.
craziness that is society.
hoping to keep my sanity.
and the price of sanity? they call me crazy.

speaking of crazy.
i was a normal little girl in kindergarten. shy, but full of pride. i was very afraid of 'losing face' even at the age of 5.
i was still a shy little girl at 7. dragged my feet around on the first few days of school while others played with their friends.
i was STILL shy 3 years later.
things changed when i was 12. i realised i shouldnt have to try so hard to be accepted. i also don't have to take all that shit they were giving me. i got better acquainted with a little someone called anger.
more recently, i learnt to express myself. if i was unhappy with someone, i'd show it. not necessarily an improvement......of course, first i tolerate. but sometimes i just explode. all the frustration that's built up over time expressed in a minute.

as you know, i don't believe in normal.
i believe in doing things for myself.
why do things for others. they hardly deserve it.
live for myself.
decide for myself. (yet to make good decisions, still)
act for myself.
i remind myself not to be restricted by fear of what others will think of me
but even if im not afraid of what they say, i cant help feeling frustrated.
just bloody frustrated with people. notice i don't say 'world'. Earth is great, but humans suck.
(hm, must be a mood swing.)
when did it become a crime to be yourself?
why do people find it so necessary to conform to nomality
why do people only accept you if you are normal

im just sick and tired of all this unnecessary normal shit

i often think about how nice life was. how nice life could be.
its the same feeling i get when i watch Feel Good Inc. (the parts with the windmill.)
the feeling i get when i watch some anime. (lol. must be sth about anime)
kinda happy. kinda free. bound by nothing. just enjoying life. being alive. it is appreciating the very existence of life. the wonder. wish i could have that kind of life back.
at least i still remember how it feels like. the time we spent on the farm. happiness. freedom. and life. all that life. tadpoles, moths, butterflies, frogs, grasshoppers, fish, ducklings, eagles. bah, im blabbering.

i want to comb my hair over my eyes.
if i cant see half the world.
i can block out half the world.
who wants to see a world like this.

what would you do if you were told you only had a while left to live
would you be happy you could finally leave this shithole
or would you be angry that you hadnt lived yet

if i were told i had, maybe, a year left to live
i'd probably die with regrets.
regret i never cared enough for the important things to do anything. for myself or for anyone else.
regret i cared too much about the stupid things. the petty things. the useless things.

ok whatever.

so. there's no such thing as an inescapable past.
as long as you confront it, it'll just be a memory.

if i remembered things arent 'always about me', i'd be a better person
change. a simple word, but so hard to carry out.
too much effort. easier to let things slide.
still, letting things slide isnt good. it's self destruction.
self destruction goes against everything life stands for.

if i were a little less cynical, i might be a little happier.
but i reckon im a pessimist realist. combine the two and you get one who analyses the current situation and (usually) concludes that we are doomed.

but we are doomed.
doomed to die.
whats the point of our existence when we all die in the end
why struggle so hard to live when we will all return to the ground when our time is up
who came up with this crackpot idea of life (theres the word again)
who defined 'successful' and made us all work so hard
who came up with money and status
who came up with religion

who the hell defined 'normal' and said we should all be 'normal'.

humans are crazy.
they came up with so many ridiculous rules and games.
they drive themselves mad with their own stupid philosophies,
and they call themselves 'normal'.

there is no such thing as normal.
they believe they belong to the normal group of people
they refuse to believe that maybe, normal doesnt exist.

i don't know why, but i keep thinking of the relativity theory.
its a nice thought. strangely comforting.

i don't know much, and i admit there's much ive yet to learn before i'll ever make sensible statements.

bah, what's the point.
there is no point to life. we struggle, then we die.
there is no point to anything.

as u guys noe, saiyuki's ended
suddenly i don't have to rush home to catch the last 5 minutes of the show
suddenly tv isnt interesting anymore
suddenly i lost all meaning in life
ok, thats exaggerating abit
but its 445pm. im thinking of anime.
how great is life
bleah.

AAH curses!
need to get a digital camera!
GC's concert tix on sale now!
$71, $2 of which stupid sistic fee!
argh.
i think my meals will consist of bread, eggs and ham for the next week or two.
and pancake. and apples. and cereal. and crackers. hmmmm
its like have 3 breakfasts.
ooh, hm. i cant be eating a balanced diet.

if i could i'd pack lunch to school, but afraid the food will spoil and poison me
:(
that way, i can even save $1.50! lol
im spending even less on food now than in sec sch
hahahahahaha

which reminds me
bread's expired
hafta go grocery shopping soooooon

there a gigantic moth in the living room
those huge ones that seem to come out of nowhere
is it butterfly/moth season?

anyway the weather is soooo warm
its unbearable
Singapore = always summer, but this is ridiculous!

oh yes. third realisation!
maybe its not cuz i don't belong.
maybe its cuz im not trying.
hahahahahahahahahahaha
thats funny

it suddenly occurred to me
im hanging with people without really feeling like i belong.

i am so BORED!!!
*snarl*
maybe thats just poly.

lets see
is it so hard to find someone who shares similar interests,
accepts my idiosyncrasies without judging me,
and respects the things i like (even if he or she doesnt like it)?

im not even asking for an emotional support!
(hmm, wait. a friend like that isnt really a friend, now, is it?)
see, im not even looking for a friend! is that so hard?

bleah. so, what am i? stuck with second best?
...
stuck with second best

but..
come to think of it who'd wanna befriend me
hahahaha
you won't get any kind of support from me
bah, being a friend is so troublesome.
lets put this in a matter-of-fact manner
first u gotta listen, then you gotta console. and with friends you kinda settle into this 'flow' with them. you lose your individuality! that should count as an epidemic of sorts. the condition where you lose yourself. oh, and sometimes it becomes a burden too. yup. friendship is so troublesome, its a liability.

why cant everyone just settle for something less than "friend".

maybe im quite sure i can make it without friends.
cuz basically friends are just there to support you right?
well, who needs that!
all i have is my dear blog and look how far its got me.
on that odd day i feel really down, i can just blog-hop and in no time i'll find someone whining about his life so pathetically it'll be the perfect perk-me-up.
besides, if i wanted someone who shared similar interests, all i have to do is go to a rock concert and im with my kinda people

2nd realisation of the day!
i am officially declaring myself as incapable of loving my friends
and its not just because i only have a few.
so, that's one less thing to worry about!
when you love nothing, you have nothing to lose! (i believe this is a variation of a quote from Saiyuki)
i am so getting it!

i jus saw the tv schedule @ starhub
dun see an anime belt at all
how can that be?
they always have an hour long anime belt on AXN
:'(
hai. but maybe this is for the better
else i'd be rushing home every evening or waking up at 5am in the morning to catch some anime before school.
argh. nonetheless i wished there was sth on

ok. i shld get over this.

on another note, maybe i'll talk about life so far.
i havent changed my very ignorant/lazy attitude.
i still go by "if it aint broken, don't fix it"
altho i do think of stuff like "just do it" (when i shirk responsibility)
and other things i hear on RK and Saiyuki. lol.

i google-d for saiyuki quotes. lol

"If you meet the buddha, kill the buddha...If you meet your father, kill your father. Free of everything you are bound by nothing. Live the life that is given to you." -Sanzo

"You really think god can help you? God saves no one now. Only you can save yourself." -Sanzo

"I'll never forgive you for bullying Ten-chan! You POOPHEAD." -Goku

"...Who do you suppose decided that the birds are free? Even if they can fly the skies unless they have a destination and a branch upon which to perch and rest their wings they might even come to resent having those wings. True freedom... true freedom may be having somewhere to return to. " -Sanzo

"If this was deep underground, then I wouldn’t have wished for the sun. If this was deep underground, then I wouldn’t have known what freedom and loneliness were." -Goku

"I'm cold, I'm hungry. I'm cold, I'm hungry." -- Goku

oh, speaking of saiyuki.
sometimes they say confusing stuff
either something got lost in translation, or they are toking some deep shit.
hahahahahahahaha

hah so i got a day off, thot i'd update a lil

ive taken to sticking things on my wall.
sketches, timetable, an improvised noticeboard where i scribble things i have to do
instead of posters (which seem to fall off so easily..all thats left are 2 LP and 1 ROTK posters) i have junk on my walls.
hm, does that count as an improvement?

woke up at 6am this morning to watch saiyuki
was bloody cooooooooool man
then i went back to sleep
wish i could watch reload, but i dun have animax.
:'(

i wonder how many insects ive accidently consumed.
ants, spiders, flies?

anyway there was this lil flying cockroach in the bathroom this morning.
flying cockroaches. argh.

the weekend is finally here. phew. time to catch up on sleep.

it seems i havent been blogging much these few days.

anyway, the class is ok. i guess.
v talkative guys, v talkative girls.
i think the group im hanging with is the most studious one.
hmmmmm
not my usual type of people, but i don't think my 'type' hangs around DOPT.

wonder how long i can keep up this hardworking streak before i start slacking.

Saiyuki ending :( or shld i say, ended.

antivirus subscription expiring soon too. maybe i shld reformat the comp again.

oh yes, i just remembered. i was dreaming of cockroaches last night, before i saw that nasty flying roach in the bathroom. i was damn tired and wanted to sleep in my bed, but there were creepy lil cockroaches everywhere. didnt sleep a wink. (at least not in my dream)

ah, how im looking forward to sleep.
to think its just the first week of school.