Thirteen Rabbits

i dreamt i died and became a ghost.

can't even remember how i died.
in fact i spent my whole dream as a ghost trying to find out how the hell i died.

but i do know someone drowned. not sure if it was me.

most of my dreams don't have an ending.
i just seem to run out of dream.
:[
bummer.

no la
im not that insecure
i am fully capable of reassuring myself how great my life is with or without sad blogs.
blogs just make it easier.

anyhoo

damn man.
my ass hurts from sitting here so much.
and there's nothing nice on the freakin radio.
ryan carbrera (sp?) ashlee simpson, hilary duff and all that crap
god man.
im sick of listening to ashlee simpson's boyfriend song
hell, they play it like the 3 times i randomly switched on the radio.
like wtf right?
and tho hilary's songs are nice and catchy
i dun think she's ever heard of the genre ROCK ever, even with joel bf.
hell, her songs are so pop it makes me sick.

and it doesnt help Jac will randomly belt out that duff song.
stupid catchy tune.
whatsitcalled...the one where there's tokyo and newyork and all those places..is that it?
i dunno. i just remember her with that black wig and all (supposedly) tokyo-ish.

(here begins the most un-standard english entry)

u know whats the problem
every one is not happy.

u say u dun like this dun like that, they not happy.
u say u like this like that, they oso not happy.

walao eh how to please everybody nia

all that shit about responsible blogging
(okok, not so shit la. got some truth)

wakao
even on internet, my own freakin blog, oso cannot bullshit
where am i gonna bullshit!
wait until exams to bullshit,
my ass would have been ruined by piles man.


every time i want to criticise some country/some body/ some group of people
must bite my tongue.
i type type type so much, then ctrl+A and delete everything.
too bad (for you, that is)
because i am a responsible blogger i cannot share with you all my irresponsible bullshit.

i bet even if at the end is say
"disclaimer: just joking only la. i really love c-(sth sth). dun sue me horh."
i will still kena thrown in court and be forced to eat my words and apologise like there's no tomorrow.

I SWEAR MY MOTHER IS CRAZY
last week, she thought the shoe cabinet was too full of shoes
so she went on a FREAKIN DUMPING SPREE
she didnt throw away those 3 skateboards. thank god.
BUT
SHE THREW AWAY SHOES AND SLIPPERS AND SHOES AND SLIPPERS!
Dad was like, those pair of shoes i bought from Europe!!!!!

and i just realised
SHE THREW AWAY MY FREAKIN, MY ONLY, MY BLACK PAIR OF FLIP FLOPS!!!!!!

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THEY WERE NOT EVEN SPOILT OR ANYTHING
THEY WERE IN PERFECT WORKING CONDITION

WHO THE HELL IN HER RIGHT MIND WOULD THROW PERFECTLY UNSPOILT THINGS OUT!!!!

WTF!!!

i mean she's really outta her mind. like seriously.
she thinks too much.
she's slightly paranoid.
she gets depressed so easily (a trait, i reckon, must be inherited from grandad, who got so depressed he refused to eat and is now dead.)
she goes on dumping sprees so much. she threw away our monopoly set a few years back. she throws this. and that. and she threatens to throw away the sofa.
and she's so bloody supersitious.
she believes in so much UNSCIENTIFIC CRAP
sure, there are some things that just cant be proven, but hell, some of the things out there are so SIMPLY RIDICULOUS the scientists and researchers CANT BE BOTHERED TO PROVE THAT SHIT.

man, she's more crazy that overenthusiastic Christians.
and that's saying a lot.

PS: and i? i am that kinda person who gets upset over spilt milk.
in this case, discarded flip flops. which were in perfect working condition.

arrrrrrrghhhhh
i missed out 2 MCQs
arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
thats like 4 marks man
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

man, im on a roll

see this is what happens when i don't blog for a few days.
things just spew out like a broken sewer pipe.

-

i am not emotionless.
i feel annoyance. elation. disappointment. frustration. nervousness.
and a bunch of other feelings.

do i blog about those often?
(i hope not)

i chose not to (and i hope im not contridicting myself)
because there are other things to rant about
like all that fuss over celebrity pregnancies/marriages and whatnot.

and i chose to instead
fume about whatever petty things ive had to endure in this less than perfect world filled with FREAKY LITTLE FREAKS
in my head.
(and in case youre lost, i meant
fume, in my mind, about the things thatve happened, not the freaks. the freaks are not in my head.)

AND YES WORLD
THATS THE SOURCE OF MY ANGST

hahaha
that was funny.

not?

well, indulge me.
stress you see, is a funny freaky thing.

today is a day to celebrate our freaky little mannerisms.
in light of this not-so-different-from-any-other-day-day-other-than-the-fact-that-i-just-proclaimed-it-to-be-celebrate-our-freaky-little-mannerisms-day, im gonna list a list (0_0) of freaky little idiosyncrasies of mine.

the other day i was in the train and every person i looked at, there was a voice in my mind saying something about them. really useless stuff. really annoying voice i couldnt switch off.

oh wait. that wasnt exactly an idiosyncrasy. let me start over.

i will randomly say dialogues between characters in LOTR.
and then think how pathetic it is (and how wrong) that i can memorise their lines better than i can memorise my textbook.

.
.
.

ok. this officially ends my list. im too tired to think of any more.

so.
why have i suddenly decided to proclaim this day the celebrate our freaky mannerisms day?
simple.
i just wanted to remind myself that everyone is different.
and i should accept them,
even though what they do/say/think is freakier than what i can conjure when i stretch the boundaries of my imagination.

it took me 6 years to stop trying to fit in (and in the process start condemning everyone else who's different) and accept myself.

-(note to self : step 2: accept others)-

its a pity, really. i shldve accepted my lunacy a long time ago.
i shouldve celebrated my insanity.
geez. no one was there to tell me that. :(
no one was there to tell me so many things i wouldve been better off knowing
ive missed out on so much
nevermind.
im here to spread the news
im going to be that person who tells you to accept yourself.
and no, i will not start on a psycho- motivational- preacher kinda thing. not here. not now anyway.

there's nothing much going on
exams are upon us

so i'll just bore you with the daily going ons
instead of complain about life and how much im suffering
yes, im referring to you, you sadistic-ass-who-reads-blogs-to-laugh-at-the-plight-of-pathetic-teenage-bloggers-whining-about-relationship-problems.

bio on monday was do-able
and i'll leave it at that
lest i do badly for tt paper.

genopt on fri. i shld be studying. but im not
in fact, i din study too much today.

oh yea
so some of my classmates were saying when they started revising for the exam
"i only started studying so many days before (this paper)"
don't know if its true, but if it is, that'll just attest to the fact that im with a class of freaks.

(then again, i don't need to know how quick they can revise to know that they are freaks. we're all freaky in our own way.)

note to self: gotta get head outta the clouds. yes, eat some pie.

my family isnt that type where everyone speaks freely.
i think my father doesnt really care what kind of person i am, as long as i don't do drugs, don't mix with bad company and, most importantly, get good grades.

mum on the other hand, wishes i were more feminine.
spoke less crudely. walked nicely. wore clothes that didnt hang from your ass. studied more.
being squashed in a mess of sweaty bodies and screaming your voice hoarse is that type of behaviour she frowns upon.

but i still wonder what my dad thinks when he sees this Good Charlotte pic im using as my desktop background. i know mum would say things like 'must be drug addicts'.

how sad.

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
:D

i miss Good Charlotte
i miss Simple Plan
i even miss Linkin Park

i miss going to concerts
i miss that feeling.
feelings actually.
the exhilaration, excitement, energy, feeling like youre gonna pass out or die or get crushed,

and just that great feeling of watching the band you love play live.

what a rush.

sometimes you want to just shut up
sometimes you want to act like an ass
usually you just wish things would end

sometimes you pray for a miracle
sometimes you believe you can do it on your own

-

good things don't come easy.

short conversations bring temporary (but fake) reassurance.

so for a few moments you let yourself believe that things arent as bad as you think.

till the next day,
when reality (and pessimism) remind you nothing has changed.

today i saw 2 gays on the train.

now is a good time to applaud how well i can control my laughter.

they looks sooooooo cute. in a weird kinda way.
sharing earpiece (listening to mp3 or sth)
and the 'guy' kept slapping the 'girl's' thigh.

lol

lets try some leetspeak..

\/\/4 f_(k m4\, ! j_5+ 2341!z3d !'\/3 b33n +4k3N
0Ff 50/\/\3b0Dy^5 "fr!3nD" 15+ m4n.
(under blogs la. ie my blog link's been removed. bummer.)

oh well. no loss.
and leetspeak is really too much trouble

and someone outside is smoking again.

i wish he'd just FOAD man, instead of trying to take my life too.

hahahaha
what a loada crap i picked up.

i miss the times when we could go out on a WEEKDAY
instead of always having to wait for the weekend.
and even then, we are not always free.

i miss the times we used to have dinner together.

the airport is just over thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
there's never a moment you can't see at least one plane in the sky.
every time i see them, i hope they don't drop out of the sky.

ytd went to the coffeeshop for supper.

2 middle aged men were sitting a coupla tables away, chatting.
cleaner came round, collecting cups, right..
and one of them hadnt drained his cup la,
so the cleaner was like 'you still want this?' and the man just jerked his head abit, meaning no.
he didnt shake his head. no left to right to left movement here.
i say jerked man, jerked.


no such thing as thank you.
not even a smile.

man, do we all have to work as cleaners before we learn to show some appreciation?
anybody who's worked in the service industry would know.
its not like we owe you something you know,
theres no need to show us attitude.

i'll nv forget working at that bloody banquet man
so suay, that table i seving got this one very annoying guy
acting all $#%#^$
it was a table very close to the stage la, so he must be somebody in that organization or sth la.
im sure he wasnt really big, if u noe what i mean, cuz people with real authority don't act so asshole-ish. maybe he was just well-to-do.

working there was so rush.
i don't work well when im hurried.
in fact, i can't work fast.
not a think-on-my-feet kinda person.
im a routine-is-good-let-me-do-this-at-my-own-pace kinda person.
hopefully being an optometrist is sth like that?
not so routine, since everyone's eye is different, but i sppose check ups cant be hurried along, lest we miss something?
then again, im not a decision maker. maybe i'll identify sth odd and wonder, is there really something wrong with the eye, or am i mistaken?

crap.

and yes, this question didnt just dawn on me. i thot of this as i was deciding on what course to put.
hmmmm
but circumstances didnt allow me to hesitate too much
i was also hoping that by forcing myself to go thru with this, i 'll become more decisive.
*crosses fingers*

i don't like what theyve done to the field.
stupid fences. stupid football field. stupid children. stupid happy, noisy, children. oh god, why?!!?
spoilt a perfectly good view.
damn.

i see your happy msn display pic smiling back at me
and i frown.

i see a picture of you giving the finger
and i smile.

see. i am such an easy going person.

*


ha ha ha.
any attempts to forgive and forget will be in vain
might as well live with it
even though it didnt seem like i cared then, (and i believed i didnt, too, then.)
i realise that if, after so long, i still havent put it past me,
i never will.
i guess im just
neither forgiving nor generous enough to ever 'hope some day you'll have it all'

so even though this'll just make me feel sour and angry and empty inside,
i think i'll continue despising you.

and as selfish as this sounds,
i'll keep you in the back of my head.
and i'll think of you
and you'll be the perfect pick-me-up when im feeling moody
when i think of the possibilty that maybe, right now, youre feeling less-than-happy with your life.