Thirteen Rabbits

i should be working at the warehouse sale today but im slacking off. claiming today's a 'family day' because it is a 'public holiday'. HAHAHAHA ah whatever.

lazy is lazy. but maybe i will hang on a bit longer just cause now my dream is to go travelling and take lotsa photos. HAHAHAHAHA

*

i saw something quite amusing on monday's clinic. second patient.
she was one of those people with fat conjunctival blood vessels that made you think a pterygium was gonna appear a few years down (she already had a pinguecula OS). anyhow i could see individual red blood cells flowing thru them. it was daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn cool man. so i was looking thru the eyepiece of the slit lamp smiling. almost went 'hey i can see your red blood cells!' but refrained from doing so cuz that might freak out the patient, who'll either be concerned about the blood (cells) or by her weird student optometrist who's amused by such things.
instead i settled for a 'HA-hmm' half excited giggle half trying to restrain myself.

yea i am weird.

wa time passed fast today


since i started working part-time (about 1.5months ago)
ive been at this branch less than 4 weekends.
4 weeks and ive cut or bruised myself on 3 different occasions!
wtfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

first time i stabbed my thumb with the screwdriver
second was walking into the solocare solutions
today i cut my fourth finger on a stupid stapler thingy sticking out a bunch of oakley boxes.
:(
lucky it was on the top side of my finger, not the soft fleshy side. or else cannot play bass properly already.

i think if i stay at this tampines branch long enough i will surely die there

*
tmr holiday yay no school too

today im feeling quite good. only because i got to play bass cuz class was cancelled... and im planning to skip GEMs.
vivian finally gave in. after maybe 3 weeks of saying she wanted to.

still
need to work later. damn sian. they don't know i don't have school today. or else i'd be there now :S
*

maybe i'll pop by yamaha later. try out their 5 string bass. of course i have no intention of buying. yet. feels abit funny to go alone also. yamaha shapes quite normal. not like the edwards forest. and everytime i go to IKEA and i see the shelves with this black satin finish i go DAMN THATS THE FINISH I WANT ON MY EDWARDS. every. time.
*

so there are a few things i want to buy
like new shoes. new clothes.
i wonder if strings are cheaper now. unlikely tho. but that can wait.

i seem to be missing something.
that's right! i want mp3 player! sheesh how could i forget.

all these things arent important obviously.
i still seem to have left out something important.
AH
I WANT TO GO TRAVELLING. note: not just holiday! I MEAN TRAVELLING
i'll buy a semi-pro camera (because i am a noob when it comes to photography but i must say im a lot better than some people who don't even know where to point the lens. can you believe there are people who don't even know of the 2/3s rule? and try to take photographs with a light source behind the object???) and take pictures everywhere i go! HE HE HE that would be so much fun. yup. so i'll need a good camera with awesome resolution, control over exposure, lots of zooooom etc.
cuz whats the point of travelling when you cant bring home anything memorable right. waste of money.

eh eh but how ah. i don't feel like working. where to get money if i don't work..

*
maybe i should pop by koolook before going to work too. check the place out. still wondering if i should work there. jovin will start calling me a traitor if i do. haha whatever la. who cares. as long as im happy.


i like this photo.

the past week or two have been horrid

what bad luck.
*

they say Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
thats bullshit. everyone's born different. everyone has different values and principles. what will offend me may be perfectly fine to you.
so what should you do?
absolutely nothing.
the less human interaction the better.

hah. my favorite phrase (but which you don't hear me say out loud too much) must be shut up.

there's always a problem. somebody's always doing or saying something unnecessary. or not doing something.

hai. pisses me off. and the worst thing is theoretically that person has done no wrong. its just because that person has said or done things in a way that just irks you to no end. all because youre an impulsive impatient person.

ah. i hate life. paradoxes.
so many things you hate, but can't live without.



*

i don't like my job, i don't like people and i don't like the direction things are going.

i want to quit my job because it not like i actually need it. i rather sleep. i rather play bass. i rather rot, really. and i rather eat less to save more of my allowance. all i feel is dread. and hating things because im not good enough.

and boss goes on about how she not strict enough. staff have no discipline. joking around laughing all day. and says 'i must be the only manager who wipes the displays.. why don't you do area cleaning? ...if youre free just arrange the frames.'
and i have nothing to say. because ive been preoccupied with a headache (result of stuffy airconditioning) and wondering if i should give up (working, that is).

people tell me i shouldnt quit. the money's a bonus, but the experience is better. and its so relevent to optometry too, the dispensing aspect.
but see i don't even like people. im the kind of person who, unless you are nice to me first, will feel no impulse to be nice to you. none at all.
which is a horrible attitude to have when every customer that comes up to you is a stranger.
build rapport my ass.

guess i really am not a people person.

maybe it was a mistake to take optometry. i mustve been too optimistic during JAE. thinking maybe if i put myself in a situation where i had no choice i'd change to be a people person. what was wrong with me?! how naive.
3 years on and what has changed?
ive just become meaner, more unfriendly and angry angrier.


if i quit that would mean im a quitter. but how long do i have to try before i give up?
ive been a quitter my whole life,

and i hate that.

wa almost 11. im having dinner.
fish cake. hahah how nice. didnt have time to eat at work.

how great my life is

today was pretty much a bad day.
*

dropped by yamaha just now. 5string bass ~650$. or was it $700.
cannot rmb la. piang, the neck looks so fat with 5 strings!
maybe maybe maybe i shld just go with an edwards la horh..
esp is out of budget.

i shall not laugh at the noob trying out the electric guitar.
gaahahhaahaha yea yea cannot laugh when im a noob too
*

so new blogskin. featuring shou, the vocalist of Alice Nine.

tmr got clinic. morning.

sian.

ive got this bump/bruise just below my right knee cuz i walked into the freakin tower of solocare solutions.

itaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~~~

wa naruto shipuuden 15! not bad! hahahaha
2 animes in a day! ahahahahah

hai.
need to work tmr. and sunday.
:(

nvm i must persevere. cuz i need the money. for an mp3 player.

and i see yamaha also got GSS. i wonder if there's anything i can buy. he he he he he
heeeeeee heheheh maybe can drop by tmr during lunch break or something.

and i want to buy furniture from IKEA. for my new room.
so many things to do.
would be fun.

how quick one week has passed.

greatttttttt
deathnote episode 32!
hmhm very entertaining!

honestly the sp server is going so slowly
where got mood to do what elearning assignment la fuck.

1230am already. want to get this over and done with quickly also cannot.
stupid CSW requires all the quizzes to be done in one sitting. at this rate im either gonna DC first or i'll only finish at 2am.

and stuff thats happened today
really piss me off

what is it with people
when im not pissed they think i am and they get mad. which in turn makes me mad. at being misunderstood.
when i am pissed they are clueless.

its so fucking frustrating.

its not like i don't try to be more patient, but its not something you become just overnight. or over a few days. or weeks. or months for that matter. give me a fucking break.
i have enough on my plate. and i need to keep my cool when idiotic patients cant sit through a simple, even instinctive, process of refraction. and all that frustration just builds up ok? so im an angry person. bite me.


you know those days you just feel so negative to everything outside?

this is one of those days

and i bloody hell give up on BB. so many years of elearning already and STILL their servers are so fucking slow.

damn ulcer. i cant appreciate fully the joys of eating.

wa i finally got to watch corpse bride. on HBO of course.
good show. hm hm.

vivian got a damn weird elearning assignment.
boring.

'normal' is taking away the details of people and generalizing them into a faceless, featureless mass.
*

that aside
i got paint all over.

*

fyp meeting tmr. found so many journals but havent had a chance to look for the articles in the library.
dawn gonna give me that 'what a slacker' look again. well its not like i didnt try. but we only decided which journals we'd each be searching through for related articles. tch.
whatever.

*

honestly i think these days ive been quite generous. a little too generous. letting people have things their way. not objecting out of resignation.

resignation - brings some peace, takes out life.

didnt have a chance to play bass today. going around ikea/giant/courts
looking for mp3 player. paint. furniture. food.
*

still, something's quite depressing.
one of those things you want to know but dread to hear.

*

need to work on saturday and sunday.
im a little sad about my bank balance. its at an all-time low.

and these days i keep feeling i don't have time. must be the presentations i have to prepare for.
gotta look for monica when i go back to school. don't really get what she wants me to focus on.

*

sometimes when i say so much
its because i havent said what's most important.
or rather
its a struggle. to let it out or otherwise.

i feel like i have a lot in my head. i just don't know what exactly.

sometimes, i find, -self- is so loathesome.

my feet hurt. from walking up and down the river yesterday. see thats why i hate wearing slippers. they don't provide proper support.
not to mention my feet are 2 different tones now. gonna look awful wearing those shoes.
and my back hurts. more specifically somewhere below my right shoulder, around my ribs. ack. overexerted. oh well.
river raft race was ok. the volunteers were nice. the japanese were very polite. quite amusing (sank you! they said as they handed over their life jackets). there was one tall japanese man in a spiderman (the movie) shirt. he reminded me of one of the jap actors. one of the older ones. cant rmb his name.
lunch was awful. life jackets stink. the river looks dirty. but some waterboys had fun (oh the gayness of it all)

afterwards i went to meidi-ya the japanese supermarket at liang court. bought a bento for 12$. fucking expensive! nvm dad paid. bloody yummy la! hahahaha u know i love japanese food. there was ebi, salmon, chicken, CALAMARI! and a few other things i don't recognise. (yay i got to eat calamari) dinner was loads better than lunch.

i eat a lot. :(

to think i spent the whole day by the river without proper PROTECTIVE EYEWEAR! AHHHHH AND I KNOW IM SO CLOSE TO PINGUECULA! even monica says so :( and im not even 19 yet.

one last thing.
japanese babies are very fat. i mean fat. like going to explode fat.

i wonder what kind of person i'd have grown up to be
if no one told me what was right or wrong. how things should be done. how one should behave.

if i didnt have directions.

why do i keep picking up habits i don't want to?
weird gestures, or odd ways of speaking/expression

sometimes the more corny/nerdy something is the more i remember it. and then one day i do the same.

oh god the horror.



i should pick up something more cool. not corny. not nerdy. X|

gahahahaha
*

ok clinic today wasnt too bad.
2 follow ups, and my first Paeds!

maybe danny good mood or something. gave me 8 for the follow ups, 7.5 for the paeds
truth is i had one of the px repeat VF OD because i forgot to put the eye patch on OS. WTH! so paiseh.

and i guess the girl (7 years old) wasnt too bad. but children ah. really damn weird. if the phoropter is in front of your head you just look through right? why on earth do you use your left eye to see through the right eye lens.
bah whatever. i let the girl play with the Randot Butterfly/HouseFly for a while cuz she seemed amused by it.
lucky i had a good breakfast. or else i'd be so hungry i'd have been less patient with her.
cuz children. fidget. a lot. (she went to turn the cyl up to 1Dc when i wasnt looking -_-) and i never know if she's lying or not when i tell her to read TZVF/EHPN

but whatever la. its over. and im relieved.
danny thought i was good with children (cue the gags) HAHAHAHA

i guess as long as im not hungry i can entertain them devils a little better.

oh lookey. its already 630.
so many things to do
so many,
i have a list of things to do, places to go.
im actually marking my calendar and making notes on my organiser.
uh huh. organiser. the kind i'd leave in a corner in 2004 (after using a few pages), only to use it in 2007.

i wonder how long i can keep this up.

another bad day.
a number of things
including receiving 3 shocks from the stupid light switch.

when is this streak of bad luck going to end?

*

ok i moved to my new room.
just next door. its actually smaller, but got better view
and by that i don't mean a better view of some hot neighbor opposite
i mean i get to see the trees la bodoh. if i lived at an upper storey i'd be able to see the sea. but i'll make do.

finally the cheque from capitol. for FYP. fuck sial. 381$ only.
wth so little.

i want an mp3 player. with capacity at least 4gb.
at first i wanted 20gb but i guess i'll pass on watching videos on the go.

*
i suddenly feel like eating some chocolate chip cookies. hmm
*

busy busy. so many journals to find. so many.
and im so tired.
tho i must say the dreams im having have been quite interesting (stupid, at times)
but still quite amusing. to a certain extent.

*

recently ive been hanging around Batsu.org
got a few new hitsugi pictures. hm hm
he's cute.

wa shiok naruto 13 is out. finally. late so many days.

i suddenly feel i need to get organized.

not simply lecture notes, or marking the calendar
but a new room too.

a fresh start.
for some reason.

*

ok last night was horrible. had this stupid (and by that i don't really mean stupid) dream that this ghost was bugging me while i was asleep. creepy things. torture, almost. it made me, in my dream, wonder if i was dreaming.

so u can call it a dream within a dream.

confusing and frustrating at the same time.

and to face so many of your fears

alone,
all in one night.

arent we supposed to wake up rested?

*

everytime i see the clinic schedule i get a little sad.

listening to old DEG songs from the MISSA album (no relation to Prod's one-sided relationship with misamisa in Deathnote). everything sounds a lot clearer thru headphones.

so nostalgic. i still like those songs. can see how much DEG's style changed. no more visual now. i like Visual. cuz its so Visual. interesting. even though toshi and shinya dressed like girls.

nvm.

they say 'the good old days'
whether or not those days were good or bad.


even one year feels so long ago.

im kinda miffed i only scored 3/5 for the stupid securing your pc quiz 2.
stupid questions. answers cannot be found in the slides lor.
stupid.

i need a more reliable source of information.

1. weather. hot. hot hot hot.
2. finger. pain. must be the way i cut the nail. bad shape for playing bass.
3. me. needs to practise bass more.

very sian. spent the afternoon catching up on sleep. which is good. was awakened by the weird vocals of the busker at the train station. (him and his weird guitar playing. but mostly the voice.) which is bad.

listening to Dir en Grey's Marrow of a Bone album. heard it takes a few listens before one learns to appreciate it. so im giving it a real shot for once. since i never really listened to it before. sounds very different from vulgar, withering to death. guitar riffs quite metal. everything sounds more metal than before. not my usual genre. hahahaha but so far so good. only thing that bugs me is the vocals. not that i hate it, but cuz they make me feel like I will get a sorethroat even though im not the one screaming away.
Ryojoku no ame's got sweet bass. hmm what can i say when i hear basslines like that, it feels like candy. hahaha you know the feeling you get when youre enjoying something really delicious (like CANDY???!!) and you just have a stupid grin on your face? lol ah im still a kid.

listening to other bands as well. antique cafe, 12012. antique cafe someone intro de. met on Batsu (jrock forum). cannot find many 12012 songs. the 2 i have not bad. quite heavy. antique cafe more upbeat. easy on the ears. as usual, am looking for guitarpro, bass tabs of their songs. any song. the antique cafe songs i have, a lot of repeated notes ah, but some songs quite fast ah.

speaking of which, still need a lot of practise on Kiri to mayu (DEG) that one really freaking fast la. CMI. right hand will get spastic. already using 3 fingers but still cannot catch up. how can Toshiya use a pick and play that fast? is it even possible???////////?///////

i want to improve my playing. really really want to. but always its not enough time. finger pain. demoralised. so many reasons why i cant practise for hours on end.
nevermind.

must
persevere.

now if only i was as determined to score straight A's.

today's one of those days i just feel animosity towards everything.

why so suay
super super super suay these days.
what to do

stupid lab coat. im speechless. tch. want to hit something but that wouldnt accomplish anything.
there's that bitter tightness around my heart again. the frustration that i cant do anything about it. things i have no control over.

except
there is one thing i can do
won't solve the main problem. but a short term solution. so i can have some control.

not that im a control freak.



maybe just a little

but that..

is still useless.

fuck la. lab coat no need to wear already.

i was so tired last week i forgot to watch Bleach 124
...




!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

gah.
in a bad way.

bad luck means bad luck. and bad days mean bad days.

sometimes i hate life so.

time to pop a pill and go to sleep.

i slept thru GEMs today.
doc wasnt kidding when he said the medicine will make me drowsy.
drowsy my foot. totally KO! misleading term la drowsy. stupid.

and i thought the reason i slept the whole day yesterday was cuz i missed so many hours the past few days.

wa i like my new firefox look.


spent the whole day eating and sleeping.
sleeping mostly. tmr must go back to my 'diet'

managed to play some bass also
learn new song: kiri to mayu. by DeG. damn fast sial.
but i can do it! hopefully. would count as a small miracle. but since i manage Yurameki (another DeG song) surely i can get Kiri to mayu down too? hahahaha
wanted to play the Final but then i remembered the bloody song is too low for my 4stringer.
see see thats why i must get a 5 string.
and yea im still looking at an esp forest. MIJ of course. and i still like the glossy finish over matte.

tmr got fyp meeting. stupid journals. really waste time.

shiok. today got mc.

just what i need. a day to catch up on sleep.

fuck siallll
chemosis again. this time so bad i cant even look to the side. grade 3.5 ah! but not very red la.

itchy tho.

:(
:(

i know why
the way i act. the way i treat people. the things i say. the things i do.

*

these days the train naps are a lifesaver.

and omg today i managed to survive till 5 on one lau po bing! its a miracle!
i guess i was more tired than i was hungry. and cold. and trying so hard not to rub my eyes.

but i guess ive been optimistic.
which is quite a surprise.

i feel like gouging my eyes out

hahahaha

ok seriously one week is my limit. im getting impatient.

values of the insignificant.

i tell you it sounds like some title for some album
my album when i become a freakin' rock starrrrrrrrr
such an emo title!
*shudder*

how did i come up with that?
contact lens journal presentation. biostatistics' p value and significant insignificant shit.

these days i only get 6 hours of sleep.

oh dont be ridiculous. i don't really wish to be a rock star. i just want to play.

now
now i am hungry.
but shh
im on a diet.

i am very sad.

i am looking for tabs again.
this time for Lemon by Alice Nine

bass, drums on that song.

i know the people who read my blog arent into stuff like this but im getting a little desperate
i need new songs to play

alice nine tabs are rare!

gah im going to find me some new friends online :(

shiiiiiiitttttttt!
the previous post was the thousandth! i totally forgot to check.
tch.
irritating.

nvm.

i'll bring out the crowd next time
say, post 1013 or something. ya or maybe 1310. these numbers are good.
in case anyone's lost those numbers represent my birthday!!!!
sheesh.

alright i just heard my dad talking on his hp.
"yea hey, you called? .... 'sup.."

HE SAID 'SUP as in wassup, dawg?

wow u learn something new every day.

*
ok since this is post 1001 and thats a funny number too i forgot whats the word for them. im sure jacob knows though. he knows a lot of ...... i was gonna say useless shit but i'll just leave it at he knows a lot of stuff.
oh yea im gonna post a pic now. cuz its 1001 and all. and yall know im such a sentimental person *cough cough*

yea i know this isnt the best picture of nightmare (its almost becoming a habit to type it as naitomea) but who cares. hitsugi's there.
and yall also know when it comes touchy subjects like the stuff i like, my approach is to close my eyes and ears (techincally impossible) and arm myself with a knife.
.
.
.
and proceed to mentally stab anyone who insults them.

you know how some things you cant explain
how some things just cannot be described with words

(or youre just really poor at expressing yourself)
(or youre too lazy to speak)

and you wish people could just read your mind instead?

i get that a lot.
what can i say?
it is endlessly frustrating

thank goodness for instant messaging.
perfect for people with short fuses like me.
cant say it? send a message.
someone pissing you off? stop replying.
unfortunately one cant tell which words are being emphasized. cant tell the emotion. whole lot of misinterpretations... which can be a little upsetting.

umhm these days im quite negative it seems
maybe something wrong with my brain chemistry. not surprising if that were true.

if i could wait long enough to count to 10..

if it were just a simple cold itd be fine but my eye is freeaaaaaaaky too

Left eye
chemosis G1.5. yesterday was G2.5. on waking.
accompanied by redness and itch. and mucus-y discharge (yuckssssssss).
hahah is that too many details?
i can freakin feel the conj just by rotating me eye.

chemosis gets less thru the day but i dunno whats causing it in the first place.

i think yesterday was worse cuz i had been rubbing it in my sleep.
so last night i made a concious effort not to.

RE also got. but significantly less.

i think monica's right. maybe is allergy. i don't think its a virus.
in any case its so uncomfortableeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
not to mention it makes me look as if im crying. cuz its all red and glassy?
i think its time i took up monica's suggestion of hot compress~

:( :(

on the up side, i know exactly how chemosis feels and looks like! and i know allergies can cause that! point for clinical optometry!

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