Thirteen Rabbits

sian la. hunting for patients now. stupid quota. really ah. pissing me off la.
i be px for others but no one return the favor. seriously i must be more kiasu already. fuck man.

and tmr i must hurry up get laptop la.

ok if anyone bothers to reply (*cough *edmund* cough*), i have a question
am i very depressing to talk to?
:\

the other day i saw a jrocker at pasir ris station
suhhhhhhhweeeeeeeeeeet

he had on more makeup than i did.
and he pierced his lip.

very
interesting

ok. i play really slow
and
my hand actually cramps up when i try to play faster.

aaaaaaaaahhhhhh wwwwwttttttffffffffff

damn solo

sometimes i get the feeling

like i have something against everything fun and full of life. the optimistic and joyful.

urrgh

why do i always frown

at children playing. teens having fun. happy people. enthusiastic people.



at least, corny as it sounds

at least i can smile at the butterflies.

don't get it.
why people always say one thing but do another.
whether theyre doing it on purpose or not doesnt matter, does it?

tch.
maybe i just don't understand you. wait wait maybe its cuz i don't understand me. but whatever
oh and then there's the fact that i caaaaannnnttttt stttttttaaaaaaannnnndddddd yooouuuuuuuuu

youre annoying.
almost* every action you do is an eyesore.
wow. when was the last time i met someone like that? one who just gets on my nerves?
alright, maybe not every action, but most. more often than i am comfortable tolerating at least.

oh yea
i know i piss you off too. certain... traits of mine. im faaaarrrrr from perfect afterall.
nasty, nasty temper.

i have a shitload of things to say. unfortunately if i got any more specific than this it'd be obvious who im talking about.

yikes. dirty dirty bass strings. ah maintenance is non existant. i am guilty.

*
i
do not like serious conversations.

*
jac bought lies for the liars. she rich ah. 38$ :S

we need a new PC.

i finally went shopping. but didnt walk enough leh. spent almost 200$ lei. but not enough not enough :(
i think this month's pay all fly out the window already.

oh i like to attribute my emo-ness to a certain "genetic predisposition".

so ive had comments about my new hairstyle looking jap-ish.
a certain emcee says it looks faye wong -ish.
anyone have anything else to add?

if only i could hurt people just by wishing it.
*

went home at 630. headache until nauseated ahhhhhhh but manager probably thinks im slacking off again. since i ran off while she was out of the shop.
today's customers all quite boring. lucky for me i didnt meet anyone with an attitude problem. unlike J hahaha

didnt take any nurofen so my head still hurts.

so school starts tmr. thats it. end of term break. how sad.
and its a clinic day too. first thing in the morning. :(
after such a long break from clinic i so do not have any mood to see patients

NTS: owe shaikh bubble tea again.
NTS2: owe BL 2 milk teas. or at least the money for 2 milk teas.

uh huh people are always buying tea for me.
and i totally forgot to say thanks to BL :S makes me feel a lil guilty. cuz all i do is inconvenience him and to top it off, jab him in the ribs. dont look so surprised. i do have a conscience.

NTS3: better bring a clip for clinic tmr since i won't be able to see past my fringe.

havent done fyp stuff. havent done clinpract report.
i am a busy person. with a bad headache.

and i always run out of nurofen. bought a new box of 12 less than a month ago.
im sure i havent taken 6 doses! since im the only person here who's allergic to paracetamol, is someone taking my ibuprofen???!! hmmmm???????????????????????????????

oh dad is finally back from china. has it been a week already?? thats fast!

mehhhh

i said last week i cannot work on sunday
are they listening or are they feigning deafness/dumbness (as in stupid, not the i-cant-hear-you deaf)
how many times are they gonna ask me if i can work on sunday HUH????????

see la. piss me off. really. tch.
work is such an ass.

*
so i thought about it liao. almost 2 hours. its 530 already -_-
(honestly..)

shall work tmr.
for slightly over $70, i
will put up with manager. make things difficult for myself test how patient i am. pray my facial muscles don't go into spasm while i try to keep up a nothing's-wrong front.
bother.

BL probably knows who im trying to avoid. i only hope he doesnt try to have one of those talks with me :S
force me to call him just to find out who will be working tmr. that guy ah.. troublesome.

suay ah. of all the people at my workplace the one i cant stand is the most important person there.

is work always going to be like that?

omg im beat
but im still here

busy busy days

overslept today. woke up at 745am. supposed to meet shaikh at 745am.
great.

blah blah blah
left ncoo an hour early. went to watch fantastic 4 with kin meng, alia, pameela, jeric, yuanzhi, huishan and oh ya shaikh.
movie how? action was ok. storyline was corny. but johnny quite cool when he had everyone's powers

term break ending soon. im feeling a lil i-don't-know-what for always turning them down when they ask me to work. especially since i am supposed to work one weekend per week. this week in fact i only worked half a weekday? wtf?
i want the money?
i don't want to see boss?
but compass point is kinda boring even though sales there is good?

met a few people at the eye ball. actually only 3 if u include the ppl who sponsored the table i was at.

whatever

im seldom honest and never frank when i blog.

this is an exception.



truth is i don't think i will like being an optometrist.
especially not in singapore.

here the only thing i can do is set up a private optometric practice or work at an optical shop (or the hospital/eye institute but why would they want me)
you know i already work at an optical shop.
don't really get along with the manager although the rest of my colleagues are great people. manager thinks i don't take my job seriously just cause i make mistakes now and then. like forgetting to write something on the invoice or whatever. she only seems to notice my mistakes. kind of like having a mother at the workplace. nag nag nag nag nag. except maybe this 'mother' is worse than the one at home. because i cant talk back to this one. in fact i never have anything to say in defence. just keep quiet and take it all in.
i don't know.. am i being too sensitive (again)?
its so frustrating. makes me want to quit or at least work at another branch or company.

why won't i quit just yet? i want the money. i want to go travelling. so many things i want to do.
more importantly i don't want to look back and think i ran away again. run whenever things get tough.
thats pathetic. my whole life ive been like that. and although running away has caused no harm in any way, im left feeling like a big failure.

and why won't i join another branch or company?
because maybe i just suck at this. maybe im just a horrible salesperson / not-quite-CLP / not-really-optician / not-yet-graduated-optometrist.
so no matter where i go things will just be the same.
in fact it might be worse because the new colleagues might not be as nice or fun to be around.

this sounds like the same thing i was thinking of 3 or 4 weeks back.

BL says i can always study something else. or do something else. he goes, 'you think too much' then messes up my hair. -_-
come to think of it thats what Jovin said too. and he didnt mess up my hair.

these things make me hate life, which is kinda ironic.
sometimes i hate life. sometimes i hate myself. the rest of the time i hate everyone else.
things would be so much easier if i had a short life and knew exactly when my last day would be. then i could plan ahead. and not worry so much about finding something i'd be happy doing.
sometimes i think about taking things into my own hands.
of course thats all just mindless thinking. if you know what i mean.

all this just makes me want to clam up. totally impractical i know. but when you feel like giving up on life, logic goes out the window.

ah well. i know tomorrow i'll feel silly writing all this rubbish. because tomorrow's another day and i won't feel the same way i do now. tomorrow's not exactly a clean slate. but it is a new day nonetheless.

why do i feel like i havent blogged in a long long time?

*

went to ikea. finally bought the stuff i said i wanted to get ages ago. spent 300$ in one trip. can get another friends card already. but didnt.

i seem to like to move furniture around a lot. wonder why i get bored of things so quickly

its always either dragging stuff across my room or making noise on my bass.

how considerate.

i realise i don't have a lot of things. i could dump all my belongings on one shelf and still have space for more rubbish.

ncoo on thursday. what a waste of 1/4 of my term break.
*

my boss really pisses me off. oommmmmmggg why cant she tell me everything i need to know. mind you its important information! WTF?!?!?!?! HONESTLY its so frustrating. is she really that forgetful or does she think i don't need to know that kind of VITAL (not exaggerating) information and keeps them from me on purpose???? dammmmit

*

i get funny ideas.

for example
when a lady walks past with a trolley full of food (you know those food trolleys they have at ikea) i think of kicking it. just for fun. to send the food flying everywhere.

when a child leans backwards out of her pram i think of twisting her head off. because her head is so small and round it would fit nicely in my hand. and it just looks like its in such a precarious position that i can give it a twist and it'd come right off. just like that. you know, as if one were picking an apple from a tree. except this is a head. or, or maybe it'll make a slight 'pop'! like how some people rip dolls' heads off! lol

complete strangers.
hmm
is there something wrong with me?

for lack of a better word

and it has turned out to be one of those days where your head is very talkative
and being very negative at that too.

how disagreeable.

awake at 545am on a sunday.
so wrong.

hm lets see
today i made an $867 sale. highest since i started working
physio 360 + oakley frame
and got 3$ incentive. serve customer serve until headache and this is all i get.

whatever la! ngiao ngiao ngiao

damn hungry sial. cuz i didnt eat anything but nasi lemak in the morning and 2 packs of butter crackers the rest of the day.
want to dot the lens for the progressive lens also difficult. why ah
some people don't understand english? i cant suppress my eye properly? my hand too shaky from skipping meals???

tch. just my luck
it was pretty bad today

and my arm is starting to itch la. stupid scab forming.
on that 'scratch' i got sometime during the water bomb-ing on the CIBA teambuilding day.
walao eh. its been sooo so so so so long since i ever had a wound large enough (tho this one is tiny still) to scab and itch.

gotta drag myself outta bed tmr at 6.
need to report at hougang mall at 745 what an unholy hour to start work.
at least it ends at 3.

but i have problems falling asleep and staying asleep
i wonder why. its quite annoying really.

today i saw the tallest/biggest japanese guy ever. looking for frame large enough to fit him.
the largest one i found still looked tiny on him.
didnt make a sale tho. pfffffffffffffffffffffffff oh well

i feel im starting to anyhow quote price already.

and yea
still doing that 'hmmm' 'yea' thing at the end of my sentences.
inclusive of a nod (of the head) too.

DOUSHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee COMPASS POINT!?!?!?!?!?!
why everytime call me to relief there?????????????????
:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

its so siannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn over thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
:'(
and so far away
so far so far so far

they don't cover my transport fare either
blooody hell.

i got plan
how im gonna go about to nail that damn solo
the very easy but still need to play up to speed solo

practise.
play it 3 times and rest 1 minute. becuz any more than that my fingers get tired and i start playing rubbish.

such. slow. progress.

but u know at least today i can play it faster than yesterady.
definitely.

i am not gonna eatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt dinner today.
been eating too much
*

so
tmr still need to work. damn vacation isnt a vacation at all.

note to self: owe shaikh one bubble tea. -_-

yes. my new goal is to get that bass solo in akuro no oka down.
im very confident i can do it
at the same time can strengthen fingers. even the pinkie.

so today's ciba thingy not too bad la. wasnt as bad as i thought it'd be. wonder why.

then went to pizza hut for dinner with liyana shaikh maybelline and lynn.

conclusion: ate a lot today.
not going to eat tmr.

hopefully i can resist food.

from the time when shinya the drummer EVERYONE dressed up as a girlS! woohoo! hahaha wth
seriously though i urge you to get past the outfits and LISTEN to the song

thats what im learning to play now!
akuro no oka - Dir en grey (of course!)
simple song (toshiya looked a bit bored in the video)
just need some practice
ahahahhahahaha

*

the other day i gave someone a -6.00D acuvue define lens.
after 10 minutes i was still holding on to her refraction thinking, should i have given her 6.25D?
i was actually sorta kinda in the middle of something with another customer when i suddenly said 'maybe i should have - '
and the customer looked at me like 'yes?'
and i was like "er.. nothing"

yes i am a nutcase.
really should stop thinking out loud like that.
*

here. listen to some The Used. a song from a year ago or so. still love it.
i like Jeph. obviously he's the bassist. think he's the one eating.. in the video.
he plays hella fast.

man this term break doesnt seem like a break
still so many things to do

alright. what was it i wanted to blog about?

oh yes have i said this before?
i picked up this really weird habit of going 'hm hm' or 'yea' at the end of almost every sentence i say.
for example
"no, i don't think so. um hmm (nods head)"
or,
"hm yea i think i'll go yoshinoya for dinner. hm hmm (nods head)"

WTH?!?

and you know what
i noticed i only started doing this when deidara appeared!
who's deidara? DEIDARA FROM NARUTO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

damn you deidara!

miracle
i had a packet of nasi lemak at 10 in the morning
a cup of bubble tea in the afternoon

and i didnt feel hungry
not even at 10pm!

(goodness when was the last time i had VEGGIES??)

and i had rambutans for dinner!
AGAIN!

WHEN WILL I GET SICK OF THAT DAMN FRUIT!?????

more importantly,
WHY MY MOTHER KEEP BUYING?!?!?!?!

yesterday i had rambutans for dinner again.
so i went to sleep
and i dreamt of

breakfast at macdonald's
a hundred apple pies
lots of rambutans
one day acuvue moist
pterygiums
and my spoc file

all in one dream!

im so freakin hungry right now my hands are shaking

must go grocery shopping.
no eggs, no cereal, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

space in C drive!

thats a first


i shld check the fridge. see what else is needed.

today i went shopping
bought a lot of stuff i didnt plan to
didnt buy any of which i did

get it?

shiok
had sakae sushi for dinner
at marina square

someone's treat
he he

alright next time i swear i will pay.
i mean it, now that i have a part time job i can afford to.

*

it seems C: drive is almost full. surprising.
maybe it is time to get a new computer
higher RAM, larger hard drive and everything.
and maybe get an external hard drive to add on for this comp.

some of the things we said today. guess who's talking to me.

*

must be something in Whatever.


*

sian lei. tmr got clinic. becoming lazy la

yay yay yay yay yay
i got my pay slip~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

don't you just hate it
when you realise something about yourself
but refuse to accept it?

im confused.
*

anyway theres this weird red spot on my lower tarsal? conj
almost looks like a petechial haemorrhage

shit like so many things i don't understand about bifocals.

anyhow

was working just now. went right after school. meaning i was wearing jeans and tshirt to work -_- first thing BL said 'you not here to work...right..?'
but 5 hours only. boss called me to cover while she attends some managers' meeting.
honestly speaking im hardly any help as part timer. i only know the basic-est of basics. today i totally messed up cl education. k whatever la BL was there.

nothing to do just clown around. act like children. mess up each others hair. poke tummy. sooooooo childish right lol ya lorh that optom. 24 years old already still so childish.

hai but im only good to entertain the staff there. for them to suan only. laugh at my name, my chinese, my weird mannerisms (like the way i hold the phone), and the way i speak (like a parrot, according to them). everything also laughable -_-
clown for hire. $7.50/hour. maybe im in the wrong trade ah.

beware
this parrot bites.

or rather, punches the optom.

my mind's been working overtime so im getting quite kooky

wa today first time get sean as supervisor
mannnnnn that guy is good looking.
was kinda distracting the first few minutes.
but u know, first few minutes only la. after that got used to it.
my patient on the other hand kept looking past me at the doorway everytime sean walked pass.
even though she was a -4.00D myope she can tell sial 0_0
but that girl not pai seh one.
when sean came to check on my slit lamp, she looked at me and started giggling. then i realised 'Oooh you were looking at him just now right?'
sean was sitting opposite her, and she just said 'ya he good looking horh'

gah. i was speechless. not like i can agree. he my lecturer lehh that would be kinda weird, even though he's young and not at all like an old fatherly lecturer.
see la got good looking supervisor not good for the patients. they all get distracted.

ailing and i agree he good looking. only xiangjiun disagree.
but xj likes uncles, so im gonna ignore what she says on this.


*
so anyway for some reason ive been in a good mood lately.
could even handle the unexpected paeds NGE shoved in my face when my first px cancelled at the last minute. and i did it all in mandarin! MIRACLE! (honestly, i think my mandarin is improving. :D :D)
kid was nice. quite patient with me.(thats right they must be patient with me) hahaha surprisingly i was able to perform a pretty accurate retinoscopy. yippee.
had to kneel down while doing refraction. tell me la where got optom so good right. actually get on her knees to the kid's level leh, just to ask him 'with the lens better... or without?'

ironically my second patient (that girl) was more kiddish than this boy.
boy was 8. girl was 17.

sean gave me 8/10 "overall impression" for this patient yay! so generous. maybe he saw me actually kneeling while doing refraction. hm hm. lol
to think i got the axis of astigmatism all wrong. i knew i was wrong too. man why didnt i think of using the clock dial thingy. i was getting worried why i couldnt get 6/6 on the kid, but sean say 6/6 - "very good already" so i just left it to him to refine my refraction.

*
havent had time to study for ophdis.
im getting quite worried.

*
ok yesterday i was working at compass point.
spent what felt like an hour on just one customer. she was in her sixties. came with her son. i wasnt even sure if they were serious about purchasing anything, but since i was free and had nothing better to do i decided to just entertain them.
ended up buying non-prescription reading glasses + a pair of versus SVD. total sales $285.
and i even talk until my lip started bleeding (cuz i havent been drinking enough water)
i got $2 incentive for that versus frame.
talk about hard earned money.

i cant wait for my pay to arrive.

eh shit la
i havent had time to start on the clinical practice case study presentation

and i got to work today too.
why why why why why why whyyyyyyy

yesterday i was dispensing a pair of swissflex to this kid wearing a KONOHA NINJA FOREHEAD PROTECTOR!!! hahahaha we started talking about naruto. that kid really shld cosplay kabuto. the moment he ran into the shop with the forehead protector + his old pair of round specs pretending to be a ninja, i just thought omg kabuto!

wtf. today someone call me auntie again. wtf wtf wtf. that person was a middle aged guy. a father no less. talking to his toddler daughter. WTf man. really.
just kill me.

damn sian ah. tmr got clinic. after that need to work.
and then sunday still need to work!
DOUSHITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
i want to go watch the jrock competition somemore
why did daniel tell me about it la. i am devastated.

i so do not have a life.

since i plan to go travelling and take lotsa pictures
i'll need money. don't know how much i'll need tho.
at least 1000 for just the camera. i know it'll be more than that.
and the travelling expenses itself! what a nightmare

so a few days back my shopping list was

1. shoes
2. watch
3. clothes
4. mp3 player
5. camera
6. bass strings
7. bass?
   

as of today it has become

1. shoes (really really really need these cuz i have no shoes for clinic. which makes me wonder what im gonna wear tmr)
2. camera
3. bass? (so temptingggg)
   
4. bass strings (these strings are starting to sound off)
   
5. clothes (haha cant forget that)

forget the mp3 player and the watch. those can live without.
in the meantime i'll just scrimp and save until im happy.
today i only spent $3.30! on water only! because i didnt eat at all! except for one sandwich at 2:30pm but mum bought that for me in the morning (it was supposed to be breakfast). was feeling like crap by 11am. but busied myself with the bloody clprac presentation.
3.30$. 2$ on a medium ice milo from macdonalds for the afternoon. 1.30$ on a bottle of green tea for the night.

i. am. so. hungry. right. now.
but feeling quite accomplished at not having done any eating. so to speak. ironic ah. hahahahah accomplishing nothing is satisfying -_-

ooh yea oddly my stomach didnt make noise leh. amazing! maybe it's gotten used to me having meals at weird times or skipping meals totally.
hope so eh?

2 more things
today i made a very lame joke
'eh eh julia, today.... today (giggle) today is June's Fool leh.. june's fool!'
and she looked at me like -_-|||

and the other thing.
bloody hell! u still treat me as a friend anot?!

thats just disappointing.

damn
took a nap in the evening
now im wide awake.
and school's at 8 tmr!?

so anyway im still trying to finish up the stupid CLPRAC presentation
actually i havent even concluded what's wrong with the patient
personally i don't believe it is keratoconus (i think it is CL induced corneal distortion)

technically px has the risk factors. 20s, indian. myope. high irregular astigmatism. very distorted K mires.

px also has the signs of not-so-compliant CL wearer. heavy makeup, very long wearing hours. her oily tear film probably aint the best for CL wear too.

need to find something to account for all that SPK.

k whatever. shld ask naga tmr. indian lecturers like very pro in the CL dept.

*

got work tmr.
rush there after school. 630 to 930pm .they so desperate meh
im not much help anyway.
boon leong was laughing at me the other day. cuz everything i also dunno. work so long already still like that. how demoralising. and when 2 customers came in asking for godknowswhat i just went 'errrrrr.....' and looked at him who was sitting beside me for help.
most of the time i dunno what the customer talking about what. especially when they speak mandarin.. with accent somemore! u speak singapore-level chinese i can still understand 80%. u speak china chinese i only understand 40%!

he's always saying 'this kind of part time... (cannot stand ah!)'
hahahah because i took the standard chartered stress-car buang his head. HAHAHAHAHA
he deserved it anyway.
but he this kind of senior (i also cannot stand ah)! keep messing up my hair. you think i still little girl ah!??!! wth man! lucky i don't use any wax when i go to work, so whatever happens to it i can just comb it straight.

and this optom useless one. ask him about this corneal distortion case he just say 'refer la refer!'
... very helpful.

i find i tend to daydream a lot at work. im not even sure what im thinking of.

eh eh but u know
i know what UV radiation is called in mandarin already! :D :D