Thirteen Rabbits

sian ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
no mood to study

ive been slacking the whole day

oh the bad influences of the lazy people i know!

interesting. i just changed my windows theme to use the Deathnote Font.
hahahahahaa

this is my favorite cosplay pic. ever.
super kawaii!

the first song i heard from gazette.
still don't know wth he's saying. even the english parts.
drummer looks like he's havin fun
check out the head banging lol

wthhhhh
nurofen is now 3.60$ for a box of 12 pills?????
thats like 60cents per dose!
but people with throbbing headaches shouldnt complain about the rising prices of drugs.

honestly! shldve stocked up before the GST hike ah? when it was still $2.95 per box

i should like, buy in bulk.


hahahawhydoihavetobeallergictoparacetamol

wa shiok! raning sunday morning!

so anyways
called in sick. sorta.
"eh... today i can dun go work anot?"
"huh? uh.. *cue exclamation of realisation* Oh..! ok wait i tell manager"

haha
damn allergies. doesnt help that ive been eating so much junk these days.
if i continue eating all that rubbish im sure i'll really fall sick

tmr no school leh! but still need to go for their contrast fyp. want to get that over with asap.

today jovin was cruel to the insects. specifically, the roach
he took a temple tip, put some 3M super glue gel on the tip
chased a cockroach up and down the mirror
got it stuck to the temple tip
squashed the trapped roach slightly
before
taking out his lighter to burn it. legs first.

how the poor disgusting thing struggled.

and it was reduced to a burnt black crisp. looking nothing like a cockroach.
oh the humiliation it suffered.

the burning of the roach on the stake was very interesting to watch.

last day of clinic is over. i still need one soft lens fitting.

andy came for rgp.
i knew it. his eyes are dead already. cl wearer for 8 years! put on rgp for the first time and only got foreign body sensation.

perfect.

gotta work later. :(

hallo
im feeling bored


i think its been a while since i did some self-reflection.
here goes.

i still resent my primary school classmates.
if i had a superpower i'd wish for the power to FREAKIN HELL MAKE THEM SUFFERRRRRRRRR!!!! PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, AND IN ALL ASPECTS POSSIBLE!
hahahah. just kidding. a little.

i still don't understand why/how christians like to praise god so much. doushite?
oh wait. its a religion horh. what else can u do but worship.
meh~ religion.
and why are they so enthusiastic. like always so happy. cheerful.
very irritating. like children.
ah i see. thats why they call themselves 'god's children'.
someone tell them the church doesnt mean it literally. they can stop acting like children.

ahahahahahaiamsofunny

you gotta understand. im really bored.

crap.
i feel like eating roti prata.



nooooooooooooooooo


alright.
one last day of clinic left.
yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dad left quite a while ago to fetch mum and jac
sooooooooooooo that means no one should be in the master bedroom
and dad should have switched of the telly when he left.

but around 45 minutes ago i started to notice there were sounds of a tv prog coming from the room
(ooh spooky!)
so i assumed it was the neighbor's tv lor.

turns out it wasnt.

jacob says:
oo
jacob says:
you know clementi central there got a cinema
市丸 ギン says:
no idea
jacob says:
5 bucks flat rate all week round
市丸 ギン says:
cool
jacob says:
we should gather a bunch of cheapskates hor and make a trip down there one day
jacob says:
i long time never go already
市丸 ギン says:
..
jacob says:
the last show i caught there was the terminal
市丸 ギン says:
do u need to call your frends that
jacob says:
hahaah
市丸 ギン says:
-_-
jacob says:
haha shit man now after the op i got trouble sticking my pinky into my ear
市丸 ギン says:
wwwttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhh jacob u dont need to tell me these things you know
jacob says:
i can feel a lump of ear wax inside with my index finger but its too deep to get deep enough to get it out
市丸 ギン says:
dude!

jacob says:
the thing is i can do it with my left ear but not the right

jacob says:
oh shit psp no battery
市丸 ギン says:
haha
市丸 ギン says:
arent u supposed to be reading HP
jacob says:
*supposed*
jacob says:
how am i going to read if my ear is bugging me
市丸 ギン says:
hahahahahahahaa
市丸 ギン says:
u stick an ant in
市丸 ギン says:
hahahaha
市丸 ギン says:
a few worker ants
市丸 ギン says:
hahahhahahahahahhahaah
jacob says:
dont be sick
市丸 ギン says:
hahahahahaha
市丸 ギン says:
hahhhaha imagine ants crawling in your head

man i am tired. only slept 2 hours. fell asleep the moment i sat down on the train. i keep worrying i'll miss my stop.
was up till 530am reading the latest harry potter book.
was a great read tho. wonderful.

jacob reckons his friends are all geeks who finish the book in a day
i say birds of feather flock together.

so tmr will be thursday. clinic. second last day.
dear me. am never gonna meet the quota for contact lenses.

nevermind.
ive learnt my lesson
next semester
ive got SP, alvin, daniel queued up already. hoping to get andy too. maybe will make him do RGP ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
still not enough tho.
i need to make more friends.

manager just smsed me about the pay raise effective August. er, yay?

*

right.
as it says up there

cant sleep.
been trying for an hour
but i just end up staring at the wall.
so here i am again.

its too warm under the blanket.
too cold without.

maybe there really is something about tuesdays
that i must be in a zombied state every week.



actually i don't feel like going to school tomorrow
but i'll probably just drag myself there anyway.

i will.
i won't.
i will
i won't

wa shiok! rainy night! havent seen this in a long long time! i love the sound of rain. i love the breeze. i love the color of the sky. i love the smell. i love how the street looks! everything's so orange and purple! i love how the cars' headlights reflect off the wet road!

its so coooooolllllddddd im actually glad the laptop's so warmmmmmmm

*
ok suddenly feeling very insecure.
see when the day goes so well - uneventful, really - it means i'll have a horrible day soon. where everything goes wrong.

and when im feeling so good
it just means im gonna feel like shit again. sometime next week.
and i cant have a shitty week next week. i have plans! :(

but you know
i think i deserved the break today. after how things have been going recently.

the story of my life -
one week depression, next week high.

i hate my allergies.
*

yes! my first weekend home in a long long long long time!
i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad i finally have a day to do.. chores.

-_-

went to relief at hougang pt today. only other person there was patrick.
wa that man got a lot of stories to tell.

hopefully i won't be forced to work tmr
got so many chores i need to take care of.
stuff ive been putting off for weeks.

hm. i don't really know what else to blog about.

oh hang on
a family came in. pretty well off family.
i found out
everytime they came in to make specs or whatever
they'd buy coffee/tea and youtiao and stuff like that for the staff
its a miracle! just as i was thinking 'man, i want some bubble tea', i got some milk tea!

ok la. im just easily satisfied. especially when it comes to food.

ah.
being home on a weekday morning drinking my chocolate milk tea and eating rambutans
is really nice.

i have not given up on nutella milk tea. im gonna try putting it in my drink now.
ok. stupid thing still isnt melting. no surprise. stirring forcefully results in small clumps of nutella mixed into the drink. which isnt too bad. its like having small bit of SWEET in every mouthful.
not bad.

ophdis pract exam. so i was lucky i got progressive lens la. cuz i think i really suck with bifocals.
unlucky thing was the stupid machine did not have water so my lens came out like freakin huge and i had to downsize by 0.45 AND retouch the stupid lenses 3 times EACH.
naturally i exceeded the time limit by 3 minutes. so 3 marks taken off for that :(
and i cut myself a little trying to pry the chuck off the unchamfered lens. -_-
and then, WTF, i din realise they also took marks of for no proper instructions to 'patient' when measuring pd and dotting lens. wtf wtf!
alright so whatver. its still alright.

i am feeling so bloated i could puke.

ack
im sick of it.

*

eh i finally got round to doing my encryption homework.

man todays the first time i missed dover station cuz i was asleep.
and i was already late for class.
but nevermind its just vivian.

so
i am very tired. but at all the wrong times.

aside from that
the image of blood dripping from my hands keeps popping up.
and i can't stop thinking.

i put some nutella in my bubble milk tea.
unfortunately it was too cold to melt
so that was a failure.

i also have ham. maybe i can try nutella + ham sandwich
wonder how that will turn out

went thru school in a daze again. there's just something about tuesdays.
woke up with a headache, popped 2 pills, zombied thru the presentations and CSW.
went to disturb jeric at paed's then went up to contrast fyp room to tell them i want to drop out after finishing 'english'
hahahahaha
seriously.
cmi la. that thing is driving me crazy.

eh. so my optom fly off to hougang already. left the 2 opticians + manager. oh + edwin. i think.
i keep asking myself why im working there.
they say i just have to tolerate. accept and tolerate.
ok. i'll do that. see how long i can keep it up.
if only i can work on days she isnt around.


some days i have motivation. some days im lifeless.
my life needs direction. instead of just passing each day aimlessly.
without a goal to work towards means time isnt important. and however long the road ahead is, life remains meaningless.

come to think of it
its not like i havent been setting goals for myself.
ive set so many
and fell short of so many
and when you fail, you feel worthless. then life, once again, feels like nothing.
except this time it's worse.

these days i really need sleep
but i don't want to go to sleep at night.

wow. today is like the first day in more than a week that i don't actually feel depressed.
amazing!
so this is what it means to be preoccupied so that you don't have a chance to think.
but this one week or so has felt more like 2.

i guess the main troublemaker is my mind, again.
what a shame

every second i spend not doing anything, i'll spend thinking. which is bad. but what else can i do?
see i need a switch. to cut my brain off.
though i'd settle for drugs. the legal kind, you ass. hahaahahaha!

i'll kill myself one day.

damn mosquitoes. forcing me to sit like L.

ok edmund! i apologise. sorry i snapped at you.

anyway
some people are so obnoxious.
im shocked and disgusted.

harry potter and the order of the phoenix wasnt as bad as i expected. the effects were actually kinda cool. did they get ppl from lucasfilm to do it?
oh this time the onscreen adaptation of the book wasnt too bad. the previous ones were horrible.

how do you plan for the future that youre not sure will even come?


i.
am.
sick.
of.
people.

why is it everytime i think of the future i just get depressed
its so annoying.

if i could just die right now i'd go with the devil noquestionsasked.

sometimes i wish
if i tried hard enough
i'd die
just by wanting it

*

today this weirdo came in. said, 'i want to check my eyes'
i was a little confused, so i asked 'is your vision blurry?'
'i want to buy contact lens, don't know what power'
'oh, ok, you want me to just check your specs for your prescription?'
'oknevermind.'

and she said it like 'fine you don't want to serve me i don't buy' attitude. she was pissed off lor. so she turned around, grabbed her boyfriend and marched out.
i was like wtf? i didnt say anything wrong what. right?
whats wrong with checking the spec prescription?
cuz if i just used the autorefractor it might not be accurate what.
and if she wasnt experiencing any problems with her current spectacle prescription i don't see why we cant just follow that. unless she said it was blurry. or was giving her headaches.
CORRECT?
FURTHERMORE if she really wanted me to do a full refraction she cldve just said so!

how do people like that find boyfriend sial? how can anyone stand people like her ??!
aiyah whatever la. what a bitch. i just let her march out. cant be bothered to call her back.
den steven was like, eh what happened?
and i was all 'dunno'. what i was thinking was 'what the fuck?' but still feeling damn puzzled.


today nanyang compass point got roadshow. B&L only. the same 2 promoters i met while working at jnj last week. went down to talk to them during my break. (breaks that technically, i shouldnt be taking. but who cares)
neither of us could remember each others' names. hahahahaha
roadshow people are definitely nicer to talk to.

*

think i really made a mistake coming to optometry la.
i have never been a people person.
not at age 5. not at 7. not at 10. not at 13. not at 16. and apparently, still not one at 19.
and here i am practically stuck on a path that leads to nowhere but frustration.
dammit man. this has been a big mistake. big big big mistake.
why on earth did i think i could change myself

but then again where on earth am i gonna find a job that will allow me NOT to come into contact with people?
i should just pack my bags and move to alaska.

alternatively if i died tmr, that'd be good too.

see la. today manager say i 'always losing price tags'
didnt really bother me. she also said something else. i was slightly irked, but didnt think too much. julia thought i was kinda pissed.
i was actually more pissed she wasnt going to give me the incentive for selling the frame. the incentive jeffrey said we could have. but which, according to her, parttimers are not eligible to get. ah, fuck it.
the only thing that pisses me off than that is the fact that i didnt clarify it with her.

so anyway
today i wanted to drink bubble tea again. ran out of water and was drying up like a well in the desert. so i asked if they wanted any. julia wanted almond milk tea, jovin wanted whatever i was getting. and i was just about to leave when she piped up, eh what you going to treat me to?

for a split second i was like, wtf who said i was gonna give you a treat? im not even that close to you! at least jovin and julia talk to me, keep me company. you just give me stress! wtf!

but, she was the manager, so i stopped and asked her 'ah so what you want'
NOTE: before all that i DID ask her if she wanted anything. she said no. why the sudden change of mind?
and you know what? she didnt even offer to pay me for the drink! at least jovin and julia did. ok la. and technically i DIDNT say it was my treat. all i asked was if anyone wanted anything too. i was intending to treat jovin and julia only. but ok, i can let that slide. $1.50 only. even though i don't like you. BUT you know what? she didnt even say thank you! DOUBLE, TRIPLE WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!

you underpay me, shoot sarcastic remarks at me, speak (of things related to me) in dialect knowing i don't understand (though i can more or less guess), have the cheek to ask me for a free drink AND not even say thank you? DUDE!
WHAT THE FUCK?

so few episodes. what a sad ending.
i still like light more

see see friday the thirteenth is a good day
though it didnt start out great cuz of some stuff that was carried over from the day before..
and then there's other little details..
ok la. still good. or maybe im just biased.

tmr still got clinic. dispensing. waste my time sial.
after that need to work. ok. must persevere. wait till i get my payslip for this month. sure will be motivated to work hard! hopefully.

after that treat on wednesday i only have 10$ to last the rest of the week. super horh.
nvm. can do! just tolerate. hungry also can wait. just busy myself until bedtime! ive eaten so much today and yesterday anyway!
can do!




i hope.

annoying details inherent to things we can't live without.

im almost back to the very negative personality i usually have. the very disagreeable one.
meaning recently i have been nicer than usual.

maybe i just have like, a semi-permanent bad mood.
wait wait. thats just my personality.

ah im a horrible person.

hopefully i'll have a very short life.

18 and 19 have been the toughest years ive ever had.
if only it were as easy as pressing a button to shut down.

wa wa this month really work a lot ah! im exhausted!

ah, actually nv work that much la. but a lot more than usual.
not just for capitol. jnj also.
but jnj pay can only expect it after 4 months bah. so...

had lunch with wn at nydc today. my treat. food there was good. dessert too. *drools* so full sial.
and then went around wasting time till she had to pangseh me for her bf at 6.

that girl only know how to talk about her bf. almost every sentence contains 'my boyfriend'.

oh yea the thing on my cornea ytd? was, as i said, a huge ass loss of epithelium. ripped off when i removed my lenses. thank goodness for quick regeneration of cells hahahahahahh its gone now. don't know if i should risk wearing lenses tmr.
ah. maybe i shouldnt......

small annoyances that pop up in my head for the smallest reasons. tho im sure this will pass very soon.

shit sial shit!
my cornea got this HHUGE ASS OPACITY!
IT IS HUGE ASS BECAUSE I CAN SEE IT IN THE MIRROR!
its either a damn big laceration or maybe just a scratch OR its infiltrates or i have a freakin' ulcer!

actually i think i ripped my epithelium off when i removed oasys.
felt like that anyway.

ouch?

ok. tmr i will check the mirror again. if its still there someone help me do slit lamp!
provided my eye not swollen tmr la HAHAHAHA

eh. actualyl not very funny.


so seems like its confirmed already. BL going to hougang mall. ah. so sad ah. no one to punch liao.

got approached by another prudential guy again. same roadshow somemore. wanted to talk to me even though i said ive spoken to derrick already. ah well. persistant, they all.

man im so tired. but i had kfc for dinner. feeling very fat right now.
miso chicken!
oh and im still wearing lenses. its starting to blur. must rub. but im too lazy to even take them off my eyes.

hopefully wednesday i can join BL and julia to pig out at the hokkaido fair!

i really do not want to think about it,
but i cant help it.
i just don't understand my manager. what is she thinking?
why do i get the feeling everything i do is pissing her off?
alright. must stop thinking about it. really.

on to someone else.

you know that person
somebody you want very much to impress?
the one who drives you crazy?

yes. i have been thinking too much lately.

hmm my first SCL fit and my supervisor is dawn tan
the one clinician whose scales are way different from mine.

but i think she was in a good mood today, so i still managed to get a 7 for that fit. which is ok.

cut my finger while opening the stupid foil for the cosmetic CL
wtf la. im so accident prone.

oh and chiong-ed a DOPT student's GE today. i took less than half an hour sial! im super! did retinoscopy and subjective refraction in 15 minutes! i rock!
windi rocks!
and he talk slang slang one hahahahahahha

finally collected my 2 boxes of acuvue moist. wonder how it is really.
i think my cornea really change shape already.
flat K was around 8.10!which means BC i should be taking is 9.0!
thats crazy man!
maybe i am overwearing Oasys. i mean, i know i am overwearing my lenses.. ah. but i still like oasys.

will be busy the whole of this week.

my manager still.......

on the first day of roadshow yinghui asked me,
"eh, how old are you?"
i thought about it for a moment, and replied
"hmmmmmmmmmm.... i don't remember. am i 18, 19 or 20 ah?...hmmmmmmmm"
"ok,ok which year you born"
"ah, 1988."
"oh, same as me la! 19!"
"ah. ya ya. 19."

BL was quite surprised to learn i dont celebrate my birthdays. and that my friday-the-thirteenth birtdays have been better than those years it didnt fall on a friday.
it also amuses him, friday the thirteenth. he says all i need is a broom to fly around on. he said, why friday the thirteenth birthdays have been better than the rest? cuz you get to fly around on your broom? and he laughs and laughs and laughs.
very funny ah -_-

man
im sure my manager doesnt like me.

hooray.

but thats quite the least of my worries.
oh, having a laptop = immediate shutdown when i need it, and super fast start up.

the spacebar is making a weird squeaking sound. :(

i thought typing with a laptop would be uncomfortable if not inconvenient. but its been great so far.

one more thing i do not like
the touchpad.
walao. like shit la. shld get a mouse. so annoying.

what an awful day. awful awful awful. why why why why why why
2 words:


utter

hopelessness.



do you know what that feels like?


*

today's one of the most awful days ive had.


even though everything went well.

man i feel sick. must be the rubbish ive been eating.
when was my last real meal?

ahhh maybe i really shouldve been nicer.

i need to die and reincarnate into something else.

hm. today's roadshow. they did well. i sold just one box. wtf??????!!!!!!1
aloysius (eh i think i misspelled his name leh. nvm la. haha) thinks i just have bad luck. well, at least someone's optimistic. or trying to reassure me. hahaha)

actually i do think i have bad luck. most of the time i jinx people around me instead. ah wells. whatever.

alex told me jovin told him a lot of things about me. wtf????!!!!!!!!!!

there was some bad news. not directly related to me. but sure was a spirit-dampen-er on and off.

die hard 4 was unexpectedly enjoyable. thought maggie Q's role was a real waste of time. a pretty useless character.

but whatever.

so, its 1230. almost. work tmr. i should get some sleep. but there's this nagging impatience in me, you know the kind you get when youre expecting something. or rather, looking forward to something. that may or may not come.

exhausting.

*

hmm don't know why. feeling very annoyed now. maybe that isnt the right word. let me think. i am tired. tired, frustrated

very frustrated.

by things that havent surfaced in years.

i believe life is only as great as it is awful.
so i keep asking myself
would you rather have lived a life of extreme joy (and hence extreme sorrow)
or a life that didnt contain much sadness and exhilaration

sometimes i choose the latter. simply because it as draining.
and i have so litle energy most of the time.

some people say their lives are more miserable than enjoyable
thats only because they remember the lows and oversee the highs.

i admit im one of those people.

ooh i almost forgot.

yesterday jeffrey was at TM. saw me working at the roadshow.
scare me sial. he was like 'ah! what you doing here?'
and i said TM doesnt seem to need me on weekdays
and he was all 'then tell me i find one who'll need you on weekday!' then he asked 'how much they paying you?!'
and i was like errrrr (higher than what you all paying me la)
and he went 'must have a talk with you one day'
and mentioned 'maybe need to revise your pay'
HAHAHAHAHAHA
so who else working for capitol? all go parttime at roadshow also (and get seen by jeffrey!)
den they will increase our pay! w00t!

ah there is something else. maybe i shouldnt repeat that here. see how things turn out. hahahhaah

*

and i saw douglas too! wa that guy became more sociable i think. we actually chatted for 5 minutes sial! must be a record!
very interesting. in the past 5 days i met
alvin, douglas, derrick, yiyang, yinghui (these 2 J&J promoters), and the bunch of B&L promoters whose names i cant remember! but they very friendly also :D

wa shit i really need to stop smsing. people! stop smsing me im not gonna reply!!!!!!!!


nah im just kidding.

so today. only sold 20 boxes ah! and jon was asking for 60 somemore. i stress ah. ask me help the promoters. aiyah if i was a salesperson material i'd be one already la. unfortunately im not such a wellrounded optom.

how to answer to jon sial.

derrick's quite funny ah. today i did slit lamp on him. just a little. check lens fit and health. cuz he's sleeping with Oasys. tsk tsk. 3 days already. but alls fine and well. and we had coffee at starbucks after that. coffee at 10pm. his treat! hmhm he makes me feel like a kid. don't know why. maybe just because he's 7 years older.
half the time both of us were stoning. nothing to talk about. work whole day already also tired la. ah well. im fine with silences. don't know about him.
i always feel a little bad when someone else pays. but this time i didnt argue much la. maybe next time (if there's a next time), i'll pay. even though he's so much, ahem, wealthier than me. he even drove me home though the train still in service. suhweeeeeeeet! its nice to have a ride home. hahahahahaha
ah. shouldnt get used to it.

i really am addicted to the computer and to blogging.
150pm. i should be at tampines mall at 2pm for roadshow again.
hahaha.

wa today damn fun sial. working with young people just cant compare with working with oldies. very nice people

for the first time in a long long time coming back from work i feel invigorated instead of exhausted. maybe cuz i had a mcflurry just before closing. hahaha

another boring day at school tmr. im always late on tuesday. and tuesdays are pretty boring school days.

just collected my payslip. dammit man i cant remember how many hours ive worked so i cant tell if theyve paid me correctly. dammit. must find the slip of paper somehow.

ok i think more or less is correct. actually they are underpaying me since i don't take my dinner breaks. oh well? manager is so blur. or should i say she doesnt bother to find out. ah well. i don't bring it up either. guess its my fault.

this month used a lot of sms already. shit man. i only have 100 free. i know thats pathetic. but its only the second of july. thats like another 2 weeks before the month is up. i only have about 20 sms left. shit shit shit. suddenly so many people to sms. 80 msgs in my outbox already. shit shit shit. people people! start calling me la i got free incoming no one want to call!!!

first time using my new laptop to blog! i really need to find the stupid router.
*

walao. today AFTER i reached TM manager got a call from hougang.
she asked me to relieve there. asked isnt the right word. more like told. i mean, these things how to say no to right?

so go lor. no choice. jac still insists i should make them reimburse my bus fare. i agree. too bad im not good at bringing up issues like this.

ok so back to storytelling
HM not that bad. thats where joshua is part-timing. he doesnt work weekends so people like me have to do it. business is slow as hell. the shop is tucked away in some corner. all fine and dandy. working there not stress. no customers = no stress. felt very good. even got time to go walk walk. and stuff there so cheap.

oh yea Edwin works at HM too. our senior. he's quite nice. actually all of them were quite nice. i just wasnt in the mood to talk much when i just got there.
Edwin's gone for holiday. so lucky. heard he's going desaru, KL, genting. 4 days only! is it even possible???

saw maybelline around 8. talked a bit. she was there with her mother. so funny ah we always talk in the show. last time i went vivo during ITP and talked with her. now she comes while im part-timing.

ok la. so late already. tmr still got clinic. and after that working jnj roadshow too. gonna be a long day. havent had a day to rest at all this week. and won't for the next 3 days too.

bought a lot of chocolate tho. wonder if they will be of any help.