Thirteen Rabbits

oh wow. long weekend. long drowsy weekend.

where did friday and saturday go?

i wish doc had given me more pills so i can sleep more

and for the first time in a long long time i don't feel hungry!

perhaps partly because im slightly afraid of food now.


still, i missed edwin's last day. pity.

man if i saw an alien i think i will jump off the building. i mean, if aliens were coming after me. yea. great motivation for suicide. sheesh. aliens are damn creepy.
to think they only exist in my head.

*

im still hungry. hungry hungry hungry
what did i have today

tea. wanton noodles. 2cups of milo. ......................................................... ...........
ah yes 2 plums. i think thats what they were. and fruit juice.


tch.
no wonder.

wa first day of clinic. at west coast.
first patient no problem.

second patient was a joke. i don't think ive been so amused donig GE before.

its a lot better in chinese, but since im too lazy to use the chinese word processor i'll just translate it

taking px history
me: " auntie, how are your eyes? got glaucoma? cataract?"
auntie : "huh?"
me: "glaucoma. got glaucoma anot"
auntie: "you want me to have glaucoma ah. u think glaucoma very fun ah. can go blind one leh! "

and i was a little offended by her attitude -_- .....


Me: "how's your health? any diabetes or hypertension?"
Auntie: " don't have!"
me: "What about your family members?"
auntie: "whats my health got to do with my family's? will inherit these things one meh? own body is own body what!"
me: "no la auntie some things are passed down one"
auntie: "no la no such thing!"

and i felt i was being accommodating to my mother when she's feeling snappy.

*

finished retinoscopy. took VA
Me: k auntie! can see the bottom row here anot?
she reads it out correctly. 6/7.5
she claims 6/6 too small. ok. makes sense.

so i do subjective yada yada yada
so while doing JCC
me: auntie which lens the circle appears rounder/sharper/clearer? 1 or 2?
auntie: always 1 or 2. 1 or 2. so irritating.
me: haha okok haha auntie, 5 or 6 clearer?

blah blah blah i finish jcc and end up with an rx thats -0.25 more than the retinoscopy findings.

Me: *shows 6/7.5 numbers* k auntie can still see the bottom row?
auntie: cannot cannot
me: try la try la. is it clear or blur until cannot see
auntie: CANNOT LA SO SMALL! I NOT 18 YEARS OLD YOU KNOW!?
me: auntie! this is the exact same prescription as just now leh. exactly the same! just now you can see leh..
auntie: *sulks*

HA! burned!


anyway after that sean came in. we were making quite a lot of noise. she was being hella uncooperative and i was amused by her comical antics. in the end the auntie left without completing GE. she was an unwilling px in the first place. thought we forced her to come (after eye screening) so we can kajiao her to make specs.

we even walked her to the door.
sean: ok, bye
me: bye auntie! walk slowly ah!
auntie: ...

see la. what you get when u give me attitude. i am so polite horh! i think i should get A for professionalism. HAHA

old people really are kooky.

why am i so hungry?

i am a risk taker.

every day i take risks

i leave important documents lying around

i throw caution to the wind

and hope to remember where they are.

some people say they do not kill themselves / are afraid of dying because they will not be able to do the things they enjoy anymore. or they will miss out on the great things they haven't tried yet. and life has so much to offer. oh and the ageless i'll-never-see-my-loved-ones-again.

yada yada yada..


i don't understand.


if you die, you die. its just the end. you cease to exist.
which means you wouldnt know if you weren't able to do things you like(d). there is no conciousness to be aware of that. so who cares?

and as for things youve never tried, well, thats just too bad.
but would you be able to appreciate just what you have missed out on if youve never experienced it before? get what i mean?
maybe life's not all that great.

why people make such a big deal about dying


right now i think death is..

nothing

?


of course im speaking as one who's never even come close to death. i don't know how i would react if i really were faced with NO choice between life or death... and death was pretty much confirmed.

would there be room for regret?



im trying to figure out what people are afraid of when they decide NOT to kill themselves.
what stops them from taking that last step off the edge?
what stops them from kicking the chair theyre standing on? the chair keeping them out of reach of the noose's deadly strangle?
what keeps them from pulling the trigger
or stabbing themselves
or jumping in front of a train/vehicle


what stops people from taking that last step that will definitely end their lives?


is it a lack of desperation? a last thread of hope theyre clinging on to?

is it fear of death?

or fear of pain? (if its fear of pain then it just means theyre not SET enough on killing themselves. not enough resolve. )

could it be fear of something else?

is it just illogical fear?


man im gonna get a headache if i keep frowning like this.

i found a new anime to watch. ah well the anime itself isnt new
i think i heard of it a few years back

so anyway its Monster. been watching since..... 12 hours ago? hmmm
quite interesting, although it starts off a little slow. the streamed quality is pretty good too

30episodes in a day.
i should stop.

such a great way to spend the last school-free day, eh?

finally! rain! on a sunday morning too!

but school tmr! dammit! so sian.
well, at least it isnt clinic.


oh yea
last night i was watching sailormoon -_- episode 17? hahah classic evil camera story. wtf.
and it just so happens this particular episode sailor mercury and mars? i think they got defeated 15 seconds into the battle. wow their strength is unparallelled.

so oldschool that show. don't know why i liked it..
whats she supposed to be? something like defender of justice and love? wtf is that?
but that was waaay back like 10years ago
everytime must show her transforming. walao. transform take so long somemore. and she doesnt seem to have that many fancy gadgets or moves to use on the enemy. boring!

and i thought the talking cat was a male. or were there 2 talking cats? or were the 2 talking cats from another show altogether?

wa cool! got to see LASIK procedure.
apparently neovascularization of the cornea is not a contraindication
so when they slice the flap blood will just oooooooooozzzzzeeeeeeeeeeeeeee out hahahahaha

wa so interesting. today got to watch the doctor perform eye surgery. 30minutes per patient!
phacoemulsification and what was supposed to be vitrectomy and laser on a px with diabetic retinopathy. but things cocked up halfway thru and we had to leave before i got to see the vitrectomy and laser. all i saw was her pulling off scar tissue. :(
surgery isnt gory at all :(

i cant imagine how an oculoplastic surgery would look like. should be a lot worse right?

wldve been good to see LASIK or pterygium removal

at least got to see her poke thru the sclera. then plug it with a stud when she got impatient from waiting.

surgical scrubs are ... amusing.

observing the other doctor in clinic also quite fun. this doc at least let us see ONH edema, PSCC on patient. and we tried to do ret on px with pterygium (scheduled for surgical excision) but it was so bad i cldnt see a thing so i let janice take over. there was also a px with CN 6 palsy. sounds cheem but nothing much to see since that nerve only innervates one muscle.

i wish we could use mydriatic eyedrops. so much easier to see stuff when the iris is outta the way.

i still believe there is something about NUH that makes me very hungry very quickly.

there is something about the hospital that makes me very hungry. very quickly.

wa first day of hospital attachment. tio scolding from head nurse. not because WE did anything wrong. but because JERIC AND ALEX slacked too much. knn. that nurse such a bitch.

anyway pretty interesting day. ophthalmologists are so cool. they can do anything they want. and they use LA like water. and schedule laser procedures on the spot. and they can scold patients for not following the schedule when administering eyedrops at home. and they get to order the nurses around. help me switch off the lights. get me a ruler. sterilise this slit lamp. buy me a lollipop.

and patients are just so NICE when theyre attended to by a doctor.

SPOC px who come to see the OPTOMETIST give us attitude somemore. what the fuck sial.

see doctor they all suddenly become so meek and humble and obedient. yes doc i will need an MC. yes doc i understand. doc, can i worship the ground you walk on? arigatou gozaimashita~

but the ophthalmologists were very nice today.

here is a suggestion for SPOC to make px a bit more humble. MAKE THE PLACE LOOK COLD AND HEARTLESS. THEN THE PX WILL BE SCARED SHITLESS. and when one is scared shitless they will be quiet and withdrawn and afraid to offend us because we will GOURGE THEIR EYES OUT.

THEY WILL WALK IN WITH THEIR TAILS BETWEEN THEIR LEGS. LISTEN to what we have to say. AND ACCEPT IT. AND BE POLITE AND COURTEOUS AND NICE ABOUT EVERYTHING.

ok im done ranting.

eh wth la. why dont i ever feel any tremors?! so many in my lifetime and i have felt none. zilch.
naze?????????????????!?!?!!

*
starting attachment tmr. but cant sleep now cuz i drank too much tea just now.
i hope we don't get lost. :S

*

i finally bought a mouse for the laptop. using the touchpad to navigate on excel REALLY sucks.

*
i watched the bleach movie today. memories of nobody. not bad the ending. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

*
i ate a lot too. kfc. noodles. curry chicken. durians.
i so hate my appetite.

*
i still feel like getting the psp2. dum dee
its only ~300$. without hardcase. without games. without anything. :(
i wonder where got cheap(er) lobang.

wa bloody hell!
bloooooooooodyyyyyyyyy hellllllllllll


*

i have a theory
muggers (the people who study a lot la) are incapable of taking a nap on the drain without falling off their seats.

i give up!
DAMMIT and even though i say that a part of me still yearns to USE THE FREAKIN PICK PROPERLY!!!

now my right hands all weak. weeeeeeeaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk dammmmmmit

and im hungry cuz i didnt have a chance to have dinner at work.

something made me pick up the pick. oh man what a horrible sentence.

anyway using a pick is really tiring. i have a feeling my right arm is gonna ache tmr. of course my playing (using a pick) can only be described as absymal.
but see this time i really want to give this pick a real shot. (what is up with my english today?)

whatever. i shld go to slp. work tmr. sales is, for lack of a better word, abysmal. too.
HAHA

walao. gonna be so tired at work later.


watching PT PVs are motivating me to practise bass more! yay! i am happy!
but i really suck!
i really need a lot of practise!

i vow to set aside at least 2 hrs a day to practise!

i'd be glad if i ever manage to do that!


oh anyway finally got results for this semester. ok la. i think everyone will get around the same as me. since my grades are always only average.
for a moment there i thought i had made a mistake in the process of activating my student mail account.

i don't know why the sudden PT interest. PT is plastic tree la. the japanese band la.
but its nice. i like how the singer looks in one of the live performances. one of their slower songs. the vid where they show his FLAWLESS hands. its like PLASTIC.

ok time to sleep. toodles.

you know how sometimes a song just sounds funny Live?
this one's not that bad.
i like the whatwasit, confetti? at the start
and there this split second they show the vocalist's expression after that. thats a good expression. lol

and i like the bass.

ah yes. this is what we do to entertain ourselves on slow days
and manager's not around.
i only contributed the hand holding the lightning bolt, and the roundness of stickman "Edwin".
oh and the very fat chicken.
monkey and stickman edwin and pail of mayo courtesy of jovin.
everything else by edwin.

no wonder none of us were in the Arts stream.

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT



today someone came to buy goggles (with prescription)



but not just anyone.



SOME ONE WHO LOOKED A DAMN LOT LIKE MASI OKA FROM HEROES!



my fave HEROES CHARACTER!







i was quite surprised when i saw him sial! couldnt stop laughing.



i guess that puzzled him. so i took a chance to ask while the visa slip was being printed
me: "You know that show Heroes? do many ppl say u look like -"
him: "the japanese guy?"
me: "YA!" and laughed really loudly. u know me. very excitable.
him: "haha i thought why were you laughing"

y e a. i was all smiles from the moment he stepped in.
and i kept staring at him.
well you cant blame me! i like hiro and he looks so much like hiro!

then i noticed his name on the visa slip.
me: "Eh wait. you're.. not singaporean?"
him: "mm im japanese"

JAPANESE! (tho the name looked nothing like a japanese one)

super cute!

yay no work tmr

gonna sleep in my lenses tonight cuz i left my aosept case at work! how to neutralise aosept! damn!

good thing its purevision.

wtf sial. today's customers really piss me off.

chinese national + son.
son needs new specs. so i did the refraction. got astig.
dad goes " sure anot (you dumbass) i thought for children they don't get astigmatism? could you double check pls (i so don't trust your refraction, dumbass)"
so i do again lor MR-KNOW-IT-ALL. I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A PHD IN OPHTHALMOLOGY RIGHT? YOU PUBLISH SOME STUDY IN SOME MEDICAL JOURNAL THAT CHILDREN NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER HAVE ASTIGMATISM RIGHT?.

after that second round of refraction, STILL GOT ASTIG LOR in fact its the EXACT same presription as before!

so i let the kid compare. obviously clearer with the cyl lenses in.
dad still not convinced.
FUCK YOU!

dad goes " i think we'll go back to his school, get a referral and get a doctor to do the refraction. (i am in denial my son cant have astig oh god no!)"
KNNCCB!
you go and die la!

CBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!

and then his daughter wants to change specs also. pfft. whatever. let her choose a frame.
she didnt want to update the prescription (guess what? its all sph!). said just add -0.25 on the left cuz its a bit blur.
gave her a -0.25 to put in front of her specs and she goes 'no difference' . GIRL YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? THIS MEANS YOU MIGHT HAVE SOME ASTIG! in fact the guy who did your specs probably gave you SPH EQV! TO SATISFY YOUR SELFPROCLAIMED OPHTHALMOLOGIST FATHER!
but she insisted on that -0.25. so whatever lor. whatever whatever whatever.
at that time i really was all WHATEVER. forget professionalism. forget being an optometrist.

NO ONE TRUSTS WHAT I HAVE LEARNT IN SCHOOL SO WHO GIVES A FUCK. LET THE CUSTOMERS DO WHAT THEY WANT LOR. GO AHEAD AND IGNORE MY OPINION. AFTERALL IM ONLY THE 3rd YEAR PART TIME OPTOMETRIST WITH MESSY HAIR (AND WAY BETTER SENSE OF STYLE THAN YOU PEOPLE)

humph.

after that another man came up to me with a query about contact lenses.
he is of the opinion switching his 11yearold daughter to SCL will stop or slow down the progression of myopia. i tell him thats not definite. he says he speaks FROM EXPERIENCE. HE EVEN ASKS ME IF I WEAR GLASSES. EH. WHAT THE FUCK HAS ME BEING MYOPIC OF NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS? HUH? YOU THINK IF I DONT WEAR SPECS I WONT KNOW WHETHER OR NOT SCL WILL HELP SLOW DOWN MYOPIA?
so whatever lor, i tell him. fine, whatever. wanna switch switch lor.
and i tell him about basic hydrogels and high oxygen silicon hydrogels. BUT HE'S LIKE DOUBTING WHAT I SAY!
why do we need these silicon hydrogels? (i told him they gave more oxygen to the eye, so you can wear those lenses like, the whole day. from wake to sleep)
he argued that even with the normal hydrogel lens people will wear it like 15hrs a day what! WHY WHY WHY STILL NEED SiH?
AND HE SPOKE IN THAT FUCKEDUP idon'tbelieveawordyousay TONE!
WTF! WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE TODAY? HUH?
so i got a little impatient. cut him off in midsentence and spoke a little exasperatedly (i was hungry and tired and frustrated). ITS THE OXYGEN GODDAMIT!

i have explained the difference clearly. and i suspected he just didnt believe me.



ohgod what a bunch of idiots. what a horrible day. i have never forced myself to smile so many times.
being in retail means being a big fat hypocrite.
(but everything's fine and dandy right?)

don't know about the pickups
but it's
thru neck, it's a forest, and it's a 5 stringer. and its got active EQ. and its see thru black. lol

heard its made in indonesia
price is like half that of one made in japan.


but like ed said doesnt matter where its made. (i'll just take a risk on their QC. )
i probably cant tell the difference anyway.

i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
tempted.

amazing!
for the first time in a long long time
i actually sat down an practised until my butt got numb. until my legs got numb!

didnt take very long surprisingly, but still
today saw me downloading lotsa new bass tabs.
which has brought back that desire to GET A NEW BASS...

(oh god no)

...and a new amp. cuz i really do not like how this pathetic excuse of an amp sounds. i dont even remember what wattage it is. but i know its like THE LOWEST. and it sounds kinda muddy if i try to turn the volume up. and it cant do anything lower than one step down the E of the fat string. HAHA

damn.

it'll be a total waste of money because i hardly have any time to practise these days. with work and all.

psp2 still on my list. havent made up my mind yet.

why is it everytime i think of getting an mp3 player (in this case, mp3/video/psp) i also feel like getting a new guitar too

on a side note
webpages have been loading pretty slowly all day. i wonder if the problem is with their servers or my ISP.

its a big messssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
everything im responsible for right now
(cue edwin's responsibility? what responsibility?)

a break. at last! not even gonna work on friday!
i bought unagi! unaagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i like!

and lots of bread, lettuce, ham, tuna, cheese

all i can think about is food.

this is stupid. fyp is stupid. everything is stupid.

and i am hungry.


and tired


and my knee hurts.

but,
no work till friday! yay!

still i'd feel a lot better if it was raining right now.

what a warm and boring night.

im hungry. my hands are shaky. gotta wake up at some unholy hour tmr to do fyp.

i am hungry.