Thirteen Rabbits

i must be the biggest fool on earth

i hate how i always look back at things and am just puzzled by what i did or said or felt
itsumo.itsumo.itsumo


im gonna turn into a wandering ghostttttttttt T_T

*

weather has been super lately. rain rain rain.
so cool! as in cold. i can wear 3 layers and still not feel warm! super!

i hope this goes on forever!

*

first time supervised by christmas tree. walao eh. worse than chris. chris can bullshit my way thru and he'd still give me an 8. this on cannot bullshit thru, and he only gave my 5.5! thats like the lowest grade this semester! wtf! and it was such an unfair question too! 3 other clinicians couldnt even answer it! and he's so strict! and most of the time he's going on and on about how i do my GEs, how i record etc! absolutely no other clinician will do that. he says 'Cl? what does CL mean? can mean contact lens' EH wth! everyone knows CL means clear dammit! whyre u nitpicking these trivial matters anyway? i don't think i deserved 5.5! it was at least a 6! and even though what he gave was just 0.5 away from what i expected, a 6 still looks miles better than a 5!
and its not my fault the patient isnt sensitive to astig direction! tch! and technically i did manage to correct her to 6/6 OU so its ok that i didnt do PH, isnt it!
the more i think of it the more pissed i am! unfair!
if it were any other clinician i swear i wldve gotten higher marks!
just my luck.
and im probably gonna be graded by him till mid december! CURSES!

*

i HAVE to stop eating. stop eating. stop eating. stop eating.


last night i had a dream. an exasperating dream. i don't remember what it was about. but it was distressing. someone was doing something. it was driving me mental. and then i got hold of a blade and cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut cut like ive never cut before. i don't quite know how to describe how it felt. perhaps (strangely) painless, intriguing, comforting, reassuring, relieving .. and yet frustratingly useless.

but ive known that all the time.

remember when you were young and naive?
when you yearned to please others, to be included?
and though most mocked or taunted you
you still had a group of friends to hang out with

but everyone had to go their seperate ways
inevitably

left on your own and still flailing
when you decided you've had enough
forget tolerating, or trying or hoping

then the next question you knew you'd ask
inevitably

remember when life wasn't existence, not merely?

it seems the old neighbors have rented out their apartment. :( i am so saaaaaadddd to have neighbors again ;_;

and now i am so bored.
i want to practise more songs but i cant find Plastic Tree tabs. wld be fun to play their songs. somewhat simple but songs are nice. catchy.
DEG's songs are always in some other tuning and im too lazy to tune my bass for every song.
the few Gazette songs ive tried are 1 step down so thats a lot better for the fingers. i even tried using the pick again! quick tempo, pretty simple too. Nausea & shudder, silly god disco, baretta, cassis, miseinen. tab seems a little wrong for a few songs, but whatever la!

someone was hammering on the front door just now. kowai! HAHAHA siao. as if that will make me open the door. oh in case you don't know, i am almost deathly afraid of getting the door. i'll tiptoe over, take a quick peek thru the peephole then........ stay as still and quiet behind the door while the person outside tries the doorbell that does not work and consequently attempts to break the door down while yelling 'you home??????!!!!!!??????' (or something like that) HAHA!

im so weird.

walao! itch! chemosis!

shiok clinic today was great! 8/10 for both patients! cuz it was simple as hell. first 23/chi/m; second 26/indian/m. EVERYTHING insignificant! and refraction so straightforward. indian guy could see till 6/3-! amazing!
so anyways i managed to finish each GE in less than 45min. so chris quizzed me on IOP after the first px.
immediately i knew he was gonna ask:

so whats the normal IOP range?
errrr... 11 to 21? or was it 23? was it 9? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm *after going round in circles for a bit, buying time* er 10. 10 to 23mmhg?
turns out it was 10-21. thereabouts.
next he asked
so how did they come up with this normal range?
errr.... the bell curve lor. you know. the bell *draws bell shape in the air*
so what value is the peak?
errrrr errrrrrrrrrrr 17? or 14? hmmmmmmm
final answer!
errrrrrrrr 16 la. 16!
its actually 15.5mmhg.
PRETTY CLOSE LAH! ROUND UP!

if it was sean or yeoh or danny i wldve gotten 8/10 without having to answer so many questions la!

i must be psychic! or just damn lucky la! :D :D
actually i think im just lucky today. cuz all were alex's patients. after marcus told me he cmi to scl fit i had 2 vacancies and no takers. so i gave alex lor (can tell how desperate i was. alex was last resort).

*

clpract test tmr. no mood to study. 5%? wth!

am looking for RGP px! any volunteers? it doesnt hurt!

wa i just found my old S&K boots? in the cupboard. just as holes start appearing in my converse chucks! time for a wash! revival!

i have taken over dad's new hp! motorazr v8! touchscreen mp3! AH! sweet! but it has pretty short battery life. then again i have been playing the mp3 for 2 hours w/o earphones, and another 2 hrs with earphones. -_- one more bad thing - too little memory and no expansion slot. :( i have so many songs!

i dreamt my right eye was giving me problems
so i stabbed it and threw it away.
i regretted that immediately.
too late though.


a very disturbing dream indeed.

perhaps i have been too impulsive lately?

today my lens edge got defect. wear until so uncomfortable. WTFFFFFFFF i thought they scanned every lens!?!?
4 hours after removal my cornea is still tearing. cuz of the foreign body sensation every time i blink. i only hope the lens did not tear and leave a bit of itself under my lid.
i also wonder what the staining pattern of my cornea looks like.

i waaannnntttt toooooo gooooo buy stuff. more stuff. sparkly stuff.

oh yea. changed blog pic. don't have photoshop on my laptop. cannot do much with the pic. :(
is photoshop vista compatible?

wa raspberry vodka + Snapple Peach tea is niceeeeeeeee
hahaha

*

i don't know if my luck is good or bad
loads of petty things crop up during the day. i get upset. i overreact. i regret some.
but in the end everything's still ok. that's if i look at the big picture. and decide which are the things that mattered. and conclude that the important things have not fucked up.

so
my luck is good?

:S being optimistic feels weird.
i suddenly feel that pessimism brings a comforting familiarity to the situation. and with it a damn depressing fog over me too.

if you get what i mean. im too lazy to rephrase.

oh yea so dispensing + counter today. busy busy! met quota in just half a day
was resting my feet at the disp room when i saw sean walk pass, frowning.
WALAO! looks damn funny la his face! i mean it was a serious frown and all, but it still looked kinda cute! hahaha some people must be going wtf?!
most of my dispensing was signed and graded by raymond. pity sean busy la. he wldve given 9. raymond only gave 8 :(
:( :( :( :( :(

but ok la.
one more thing
got my photo taken today. yikes. i cant stand being photographed. i rather be the photographer. not the photographee. it was horrible. why is it a student's opinion is just thrown out the window? (dont they take my feelings into consideration T_T *emo*)and i have to do what the lecturers tell me to do just because they command it?

i went to the supermarket. bought a few red things -
tomatoes, raspberry vodka, and pasta sauce.
then i made dinner.
since i was the chef, the food was, not surprisingly, only stomach-able by me.
chicken franks + tomato + mushroom + egg + pasta sauce + cheese

my stomach doesnt feel quite right
dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tmr got clinic! full day!

i think i shldve bought the apple vodka instead.
im still drinking the same things i drank in sec 3. except for that one time..

i was feeling slightly cross
i had written a whole paragraph mocking the 'Faithful' who put so much 'faith' in their so-called 'god'
but then i got tired of it all and deleted everything.

but im still cross

im upset that ive just drunk 2 cups of tea but still feeling so sleepy
im peeved that tmr's presentation is %^%$@^*)^*&*(*!!
im irked that i havent been able to get seats on the train so i can't catch up on sleep

ah

i must just be feeling really grumpy from lack of sleep.

good things
are

That song, and..


the sound of rain
the smell of rain
the look of rain
the feel of rain

i wish every night was a rainy night.
and every morning.
and day.

*

meh. that was so random.
am procrastinating again.
ordered RGPs! 2pairs somemore! Boston and Menicon lenses!
wonder how often i'll actually use them though. cornea is as good as dead so comfort isnt a problem.

i should go study.
or prepare for thursday's presentation

ive been putting things off for 2 nights already!

oh yea. mp4 player broke down. stupid thing. now i have no Plastic Tree to accompany me on the train .... while i nap. . . . . . . .

speaking of plastic tree, now that christmas is round the corner (yes this corner spans 4 weeks)
im thinking of having a plastic tree in my room. literally. u know. plastic. tree. not just a small footlong tree. im thinking as tall as me plastic tree. i don't mind if its acrylic. doesnt even have to be green acrylic. could be clear. doesnt matter. what matters is its there. i'd hang all my belts and chains and necklaces and rings and earrings and wristbands there. probably a shirt or 2 as well, seeing how im such a lazy slob.



im just dreaming, of course.

rainy days are dreamy days.


*

sometimes i feel like mocking people
i look at their nicknames, their clothes, their style. and i get this desire to mock them.
their religion. their beliefs. their inspirations. their dreams.
sounds silly, doesnt it? acquaintances who have done nothing against me

sure, if i acted on my antisocial urges the people i offend could turn that same insult around and attack me instead. hahahha
so amusing, human psychology.
intriguing.. and revolting at the same time.

something doesnt feel right
like im forgetting something
like im missing something

something
something


but whatttttt???

lookey! cute gif!
i hope i havent lost my timesheet. its worth at least 300$!

anyways been trying to catch up on schoolwork the whole day. just realised clinprac's journals are REALLY long. wth!?

then ive got the stupid contact lens journal to present on thursday.
pffffffff that one's a real killer. ive read that article like 10 times and i still don't know what its talking about.
zhida mustve given me the difficult parts to present. RESULTS AND DISCUSSION! knn!

walaoooo
i can only read one page of the journal before i feel tired!
i must have some BV problem!

but thats impossible.

i probably just don't like studying.

refraction's been fluctuating a little recently. lenses also don't fit as well.
ah.
maybe im just overwearing them.

am getting overdependent on contact lenses.

wa feels like ive spent a lot of money shopping
and i havent been going to work too! :S

ok monday's lunch gaotim already. bought some cookies from MUJI :D
tried maple cookies today. silly me. i was wondering how they'd taste like, cuz i was thinking of the maple tree and going eh? they make it taste like a tree? then imagining the taste of the maple tree's bark or something.
it didnt occur to me they meant like maple syrup. cuz thats what they smelled and tasted like.
yum~

like my handwriting?
can't blame a lefty.

that weird doodle at the bottom of the page was made during BMOP class. i don't even like stuff like that. -_-

i have a new desktop background yayyyy
and i found a shirt i like yayyyyyyy


i need sleep.

i finished hana kimi. that isnt the title of the show, is it :( anyway it was good. :( 12episodes only.
so fast.
pfffft

i like nakatsu~~~~~~
eh. ok that was a link to the actor's wiki page. not the character. -_-

anyways just found out i have a shitload of contact lens quotas to meet
6SCL, 4RGP! wtf
since i have marcus coming for SCL and ryan for RGP,
I need to get at least 3 more SCL px and 3 more RGP px!

i chop jeric for RGP!

*

today everyone was very annoying.




SHH!



u hear that?



.



.



.



.



THAT IS THE SOUND OF ME NOT GIVING A DAMN ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK
SO JUST SHUT UP ALREADY



especially since today i just feel soooooooooooooo bleah. but everyone just yaksyaksyaks

if i wanted to please everybody i'd have long straight hair, carry a tote and wear shorts. and flip flops to class. and i'd wear those weird necklaces with some plastic heart pendant. i'd also stick chunky retro looking earrings on my ears. my favorite shop would be NewUrbanMale, my fav pastime clubbing, and fav music somewhere along the lines of KanyeWest or BritneySpears.

but i don't want to please everybody. in fact i don't want to please anybody except myself.
so what business is it of anyone to bother with my hair or my clothes or the way i carry myself?
im happy with my messy hair that covers my eyes. im happy with my purple eyeliner. im happy with all my black clothes. im happy staying home with my laptop. im happy with jrock.
i havent met anyone i like, but i have finally found things i like.

stop calling me emo. i freakin hate that word people throw around so casually.
and you people wonder why i was acting so 'emo' today.
dude
when im pissed i keep quiet. because i don't want to say things i'll regret.
its called self-restraint. try it.

sometimes i think ive got no sense of humor.

:

no..


some days i really do not have a sense of humor.


*******
damn.
people. are problematic
being human is also problematic.

humans are so like one another. the emotions. the psychology. i almost feel like we're living The Matrix.
its the same story for everyone.
which makes me wonder why i feel like i just don't click with anyone

omg i cant believe i just spent the whole day watching hana kimi. the japanese version.
-_-
damn that show is hilarious

waaaaaaa i always overeat at nighttttt :( :( :( we have ferrero rocher!

<< see hitsugi! so scary! doesnt even look like him! lol looks like that spiky head guy from Star Wars! lol

danny is very nice in clinic! :D too bad i have a tendency to zone out when people talk to me.
lately ive been feeling pretty down on luck when it comes to seeing patients

i need to buy another length of ribbon. i so do not know how to take care of things. maybe i should just buy a whole roll or something. :S

oh yea thursday was deepavali. went shopping. spent a lot of money. cut my hair too. its very short now.
:( nevermind. in 3 weeks it'll be the same as ryutaro's. and i got bangs! (ok actually i told the hairdresser to cut the same as the pic on my blog. lol BUT STILL she cut it TOO SHORT! T_T) so yea. now no one can see my eyes. but thats fine. since i wear contacts i don't feel a thing when my hair pokes my eyes or anything.
anyhoo i bought wax spray! but why do the layers just fall flat? why why why why why?
nvm. i'll figure it out soon enough!

yum!
clam chowder + shredded crabstick + hotdog!

thats dinner.

clam chowder from the can la. like those campbell soups. but this is the chunkier one. no need to add water. just add heat. -_-

the fairprice hotdogs arent as bad as i thought they'd be. i wasnt expecting them to taste like IKEA's hotdogs, of course. maybe i just forgot how supermarket hotdogs taste like. its a little salty, but not all that bad.

i shouldnt always eat frozen or canned or preserved in some way or another food. not healthy :S but fresh food is really troublesome to prepare.
this meal took 5minutes from freezer to my mouth
fresh food would take at least 30.

*

i only dream of bringing my own seat when i take the train during peak hours
the other day i saw a man bring his own HIGH STOOL (this word like very contradicting horh. i always think of stools as short....) on the train. sat from around outram there to simei.
i had to stand from dover to pasir ris.

ok. it shouldnt come as a surprise i alwayssss look for a seat when i board the train. obviously la. the prospect of standing for 45minutes is damn sian you know?! but when a seat does free up, some fat auntie will RUSH to it.
SELFISH!
i know they old liao. and im not saying they shouldnt sit. but cant they be a little more considerate by waiting a second or 2 to see if anyone needs that seat more than them before they rush over? in fact if they just pretended to be considerate it'd be better than nothing!

SELFISH! SELFISH SELFISH!

singaporeans disgust me.

"WA"
to sum up the latest chapter of Bleach (was it 298?)

i was expecting this.

anyway
been raining lots recently. yay! hope it goes on forever!
i love rainy nights. cuz the sky becomes purple.
and rainy mornings. cuz the sun is delayed.
and rainy afternoons. cuz its just lots cooler.

.
.
.
ok i love rainy days.

stupid presentation tmr and ive no mood to rehearse or prepare a script. pffft

i cant say i hate life. i cant say i love life.
i suppose i should just give up trying to find meaning. or purpose.

life without a goal is meaningless, they say.
living without appreciating life is also meaningless. better off dead.

im puzzled.

neither here nor there. so where am i?

whats the word? for a lack of emotion?
just empty.
when i ask myself such questions.

zilch.

kyaaaaaaaaa~!!
so frustrating

now i remember why i switched off my brain for so long
because it never ends!
in a world where there is no such thing as right or wrong
there are no answers!

so why bother?

right or wrong is determined by our conscience.
and conscience directs our actions

everyone has differing perceptions of the world around them
so no one will ever be right. and no one will ever be wrong

so in that sense RULES and LAWS are fundamentally FLAWED

soooo
we don't have to follow them
:D heehee

ok. so im a little kooky right now.


im looking for a rebel ;D

not a rebel without a cause (can such rebels exist? can't a rebel 'without a cause' be rebelling out of, say, boredom? wouldnt that make him a rebel against BOREDOM????? hail the KING of ENTERTAINMENT AND AMUSEMENT!)............ he'd be more of a clown IMO :\ clowns are scary.

where was i?

ah.

conformity. authority.
AH HAH!

who WITH ME in this march for ABNORMALCYYYYYYYYYYY???????



XD


i mustve inhaled something

*

or i might be a little lonely. NOT!

i want to cut my hair leiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii like ryutaro's lei. in this old pic. not the new ones.

oh the greatly exagerrated things that go on in my head. im starting to think im a little crazy.
just a little.
and a little more if that annoyingly high pitched hyperactive voice in my head doesnt quieten down. ah. getting a headache. TENSION!!!!!!!! ack! my templessssssssssss~~~~


I WATCH TOO MUCH ANIME!!!!!!!

i cant keep up with my personality swings...
m((((0_o))))m
giddddyyyyyyyyy~~~~~~~
lol
i need oxygen

finished! with jigoku shoujo 1 and 2!
though im a little confused with the ending

oh well

im having the worst case of p-r-o-c-r-a-s-t-i-n-a-t-i-o-n >_<
*
neighbor is having a party :( i can smell fried chicken. hmmmm fried chickennnnnn i love fried chickennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

the moon's been pretty slow to rise lately.