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Thursday, July 30, 20099:38 pm
sian ahhhh didnt study at all today. and also it seems it's very easy to hammer on my keyboard (as in laptop) im tapping the keys like no body's business!! i have no mood to study but i keep worrying about the exams! so sian! not one minute passes without the stupid exams hovering over me!!!!!!!! shittttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOP OF PAGE
Monday, July 27, 20099:07 pm
:@
eh. wtf man. im really upset with my lecturers. i read the tutorial questions and absolutely nothing looks familiar. im thinking they might as well not teach us at all if theyre gonna ask us fucked up questions like these in the test. eg: Sensory information received by the eye is transmitted to the visual cortex for processing. Critical areas of the eye and visual pathway are often supplied by numerous blood vessels. These blood vessels tend to form circles around the critical areas to ensure that blood supply would not be impeded if one artery is obstructed. Illustrate 4 detailed diagrams of the eye and/or visual pathways that are supplied by a circle of blood vessels. what the?! there was no lecture on blood supply at all? the only mention of vessel plexus this whole semester was the circle of haller-zinn?! and, just guessing cuz nothing else was covered in lectures, the macula. i would throw in (along the visual pathway) somewhere near the chiasm as the 3rd location for a plexus. that was just a stab in the dark. and where the hell is the 4th location? ??? WTF??!?!!!! and all these 3 locations i just have sketchy memories of them. wtf wtf wtf? self study is one thing. this is ridiculous. TOP OF PAGE
Sunday, July 26, 20098:59 pm
my english is far from perfect, but..
yucksssssssssssssssss i am trying to read the class's group reports. im on my second one. the first report was ok. i understood it pretty well. but this second one? i really do not want to continue, cuz i have no freakin idea what the hell they are talking about. microsoft word really sucks at picking up grammatical errors. someone needs to develop more advanced programs to pick up all the stupid mistakes people make. punctuation and spelling errors are the least important, because whether i spell convenience or convinience, type won't or wont, u know what im talking about. in any case, does anyone even use wont anymore? the wonderful thing about english (and herein lies the problem) is that one word can have several meanings. a word may be a noun, or an adjective, even a verb when used in different sentences. and when i read a sentence like that all the possiblities pop up in my head and confuse me. usually it's ok, the intended meaning shines through. but when u have a sentence that's 4 lines long, all logic flies out the window. sometimes, the whole sentence doesnt make sense to me at all. it's troublesome enough having to read so many long long long long reports, but i have to reread sentences in order to understand it too? howwwwwwwwww am i supposed to study for the testttttttt like thissssssssssssss????? TOP OF PAGE
Saturday, July 25, 200910:47 pm
i think i am feeling stressed.
on days i seem un-emo. cheery and hyper it means my brain is working extra hard. not at processing important information but it means inside my head, im going neurotic. like im walking on a wire. the slightest bit of whatever will spark a mad-crazy response from me. but it's all in my head. things like 'of course i am upset! I AM VERY UPSET!' will pop up. and right now i want to murder the class!!!!!!!!!!!! for writing 20page long reports!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH see la. kiasu until like this. now our next test will be based off all those reports. write so much freaking information now have to study like siao. shit u man. shit everyone man. and where are the freaking reports man. how to study for the test when only 2 groups have sent their reports to the class???????????? UNLESSSSSS THEY ALL SENT TO THE WRONG EMAIL ADDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! URGH! TOP OF PAGE
7:04 pm
ooh i think i really shld get a mouse for my laptop la. the touchpad is quite screwed up already. it is driving me madddddddddddddddddddd ho ho ho i think my f21 stuff have arrived!!!!!!!! but i missed the postman so i gotta collect it myself on monday. but yay! short drive around Johor today. i think all of us sian of that place already. only eat and do grocery shopping. bought a lot of mangosteens, mangoes, longans.........and toilet paper. sadded that there are no more durians. :( i can't wait to get my new clothes! and the KATE makeup too! hohohohoho perhaps next time i will go msia buy. sg dun have msia have leh! walao eh.. sg watson only recently bring in majolica.. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, July 22, 200910:55 pm
i am hungry, i just took tetrawhatever so my stomach feels like ?!?! and i feel like puukkkkkkiiiiinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg >.< i have a headache from staring at mum's hp, deleting all the old text msgs my thumb hurts again cuz i accidently reopened the wound when i ripped the cable out of my charging hp. anddd my eyebags are starting to bother me cuz they are very dark. on the up side plastic tree's dummy box reminds me of NZ. either christchurch or auckland. hehe! so nice. and i just got my charlotte russe tshirt in the mail! yay for online shopping~ cuz there's nothing to buy here~~~~ i shld be getting a lot of things by next week! more clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when my head hurts, it feels like my brain is going to squeeze itself out from the weakest spot, that is, at my temples. it makes me want to rip my jaw out and hit myself above the ears. they call that a tension headache. hahahahahaha wtf. the knowledge that i will get this every 2 or 3 days makes me want to kill myself!!!!!!! actually thats an optimistic approximation, since im excluding the mild ones. but it doesnt change the fact that with every squeeze i feel, my frustration accumulates :@ :@ :@ :@ :@ :@ eh. come to think of it i used to get a headache maybe once or twice a month, not every freaking day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! must be a side effect of school. TOP OF PAGE
6:03 pm
price of kiwi
dangerous! kiwis are dangerous! because one turned around and bit me on my thumb when i tried to cut it. ok la blame it on the knife. ok la. blame it on my overzealous 'sawing'. painful, u know? my left thumb has leveled up and evolved a mouth! the only good thing about cuts on your fingers are they will heal without leaving a mark. stupid fruit. TOP OF PAGE
Tuesday, July 21, 200911:25 pm
sometimes it's scary how fast time passes like when i was on the train trying to figure out this visual optics calculation question. the train had just exited the tunnel. i thought i was staring at the question for one minute, but before i knew it the train was at dover. that means over 10minutes had passed. imagine if the world was 10times faster than you. which means if u live to 70, u'd be aware of 'living' for 7 years. ho ho ho ho ho. time is a funny thing. * i wish i could selectively erase some memories. those meaningless encounters with strangers that bother you. actually i don't even know why im bothered by these memories since they involve strangers, afterall. one-time incidents. erase erase erase. then i wouldnt have anything to dwell on. im so bored! there's no one to talk to online. there's a lot of work to be done since the exams/assessments are round the corner, but i don't feel like doing lei. they say tmr got partial eclipse! interesting. i would like to see it, but it's no fun watching it on TV, though i don't fancy a hole in my macula. pfft. TOP OF PAGE
Sunday, July 19, 200912:30 am
leukocytes refer to white blood cells?///
waaaaaa wikipedia was a lifesaver! maybe. im learning things i should already know. (shit!) im going through my general medical science notes and ive forgotten what the hell a lymphocyte is conveniently, the types of white blood cells are
REALLY?????????? sure anotttttttt when i saw 'dendritic cells' i was very happy. DENDRITIC CELLS! found in post-corneal graft patients just before graft rejection!!!!!!!!!!! uh huh. that was ms yeo's question that no one had the answer to. i really feel like my brain is second-hand. sometime in my sleep aliens came, cut open my skull, removed my good brain and gave me this shitass second-hand brain that's good for nothing. wtf. i cant make sense of anything i readdddddddddddddd dammmmmmmmit i don't remember being sooooo stupid before!!!!!!! TOP OF PAGE
Thursday, July 16, 20091:55 pm
><
omgomgomgomgom im feeling very embarressed. everyone was laughing at me today. >.< because i stepped on the doctor's foot. actually only the toe la. i heard an 'ouch!' from behind me. turned around and.. SHOCK!!! so, instinctively, i started tapping him on the shoulder going 'OMG ARE YOU ALRIGHT??????????????' and almost immediately i realised tapping someone's shoulder was kind of a weird thing to do when u just stepped on someone's toes. but i didnt quite know how else to react. i caught sight of anna pointing and laughing at me and got more lost. after that, chris would laugh and go, 'SHAOLIN! u got wash your hair anot??????' and 'im going to ask him if he can guess what shampoo u use!' wth?! because the doctor 'jumped back' away from me like i was carrying a contagious virus. haha. so paiseh. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, July 15, 20098:59 pm
urgh. my nose has been running the whole day. if only i could get my legs to start running too. -sniff- and my mouth feels so dry, probably cuz all the water i drink ends up leaking from my nose. -_- because i have been feeling like shit most of today i didnt get any work done.oh. except for biostats la. so i guess it wasnt a total waste. i had mucc's songs for quite a whle now but nv really listened to them cuz they werent in the media player library. but the other day i got fed up with my laptop (no thanks to spss) and deleted the library so i had to re-add everything. then i discovered that mucc's rojiura boku to kimi e is quite a cool song. the guitar riffs, lyrics and everything.but i can't listen to mucc for long cuz the vocalist's style makes me want to kill myself. oh and now i know where jac found out about Tesco when i asked her where it's from! u heard it from Franz Ferdinand la! 'well who gives a damn about the profits of tesco!' from the Fallen! XD the good thing about being sick is i hardly had any appetite today. yay. but i still ate a lot. i think im pretty healthy! TOP OF PAGE
Tuesday, July 14, 20099:50 pm
this week (and next, i think) we have guest lecturer. this french guy. lol. first time hear someone with french accent lei. very funny. i like the way he says 'doubling' duubling. duubling. kekekekekeke and he cant say the 'R' sound, so it sounds more like pwvimarwvy or something. hahahahahahaha and i don't really get his humour, cuz he can say funny things with a 100% straight face. lol walao. sian la. sit here so long my shoulders are damn stiff. which means i'll get a headache soon enough. TOP OF PAGE
Monday, July 13, 200911:19 pm
what i was doing when i shldve been studying/sleeping TOP OF PAGE
Friday, July 10, 20097:52 pm
everyday my head hurts
sian. sian sian sian. why does my head hurt every every every dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i feel like something is squeeezing the right hemisphere like it was a stressball -_- cyclopentolate is teh shit man! we are still suffering. next week another group will suffer! hahahahahahahaha! TOP OF PAGE
Thursday, July 09, 20091:29 pm
wa today cycloplegic refraction kena cycloplegia again. why do i feel like today's cycloplegia is waaaaaaaay stronger than previous ones? 0.25D of residual accommodation. :) it's been 4 hours and im still very laohua and photophobic. oh oh today we used cyclopentolate 1% la. i guess thats why. previously only tropicamide. * oh. cyclopentolate is such a pain! ah yes. i have not yet fully recovered... it is..... 1130pm now. 14 hours already! haha. dammmmmmit man. this week go msia, must buy more nurofen already! i sure did not expect to finish one box in one month :( i always worry that 20 years down i'll be popping more than i should.. why ah? why ahhhhh? today, the first signs of an impending headache started at 8am when i was on the train and my left temple started to hurt. sheesh. see it's not just my posture, or poor ergonomics! unless i sleep funny long day tmr! 2 practs! :( i love baguettes! slightly crispy on the outside, soft and chewy inside! best hot out of the oven! yummmmmmmyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great with curry or butter!!!!!!!!!! hehehehehehehehe drooling already. i had that for dinner anyway. with chicken curry. hehehehe. still got leftovers for tmr! raymond told me his wife told him cyclopentolate can last 2 days! soooooooooooooooooooo . horrible. being presbyopic really sucks. i don't want to grow old! nevermind. it's still a long way away. i dunno why they say the drug regimen is alcaine 1 gtt + cyclo 1 gtt. then another drop of cyclo 5 minutes later. 1 gtt cyclo was all i got, and it worked fine. in fact it worked too well. i had a wonderful nap in the afternoon, trying to sleep away the headache from forcing myself to read while my accommodation was knocked out. hehe. what did i dream of? hmmmmmmmm not sure. forgotten. but i have a memory of a merry go round. u know with the bobbing horses and carriages going round and round........ dunno where that came from. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, July 08, 200910:06 pm
too much jdrama
oh dear. i am very behind in class. sadded. but im still watching nobuta wo produce i like shows that centre around high school kids haha ok la. i really must stop this unhealthy obsession. i will will will will try to do some catching up tmr. ooh. a new floater. maybe not 'A'. more like a lot a lot of new floaters. there's one that looks like a spider. or a neuron. dendritic. it used to be just one strand. and a few spots. now is a lot a lot of strands. they are super super super annoying. i know the problem can be solved if i switch to using black paper and white ink for school. hahaha. and since i can't paint the sky black, i could just use sunglasses. except i will never use sunglasses. i really am very sadded i can't keep up in school. today i learnt that when taking medicine and it says 'take after meals', i better eat first. i don't remember ever feeling so nauseated or so turned off by the taste of food. but daddy also buys horrible mixed veggie rice. he always picks the worst dishes la. today is the MJ memorial ah? whole day nothing but MJ on tv. there seemed to be some sort of an SMS thing where u cld text in. mum approached me with her phone and went, help me text. and i was like no way. and she was all 'nvm i'll ask papa to text.' and i was 'whatever for!' to which she replied, 'i am an MJ fan!' and i was like 'bullshit. since when?' but she already left and to satisfy mself i finished it off with a only after he died right? in my head. haha. no it wasnt really amusing. it was a little annoying. i don't know why, i just instinctively disagree/find fault with whatever my mum says. and don't anyone tell me that i should just suck it up! u're not the one living under the same roof! she always jumps to the weirdest conclusions, shares the most ridiculous opinion, and talks about the wrong things at the wrong time! always upsetting me by bringing up touchy topics like school, or messy room, or whatever! im being very accommodating already! she acts cute waaaaaay too much! and everyone keeps saying my mum's so cute. excuse me while i speak troll. ugh ugh ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! i don't dislike her though. i don't know how people in the same family can be so different. sian sian. i wish i werent human. i wish i was an insect or something. and live a short fleeting life maybe a couple of weeks long. and observant people will lament our short short lives. that kind of insect. ah. but i think these types of insects tend to spend half their life in a cocoon. or as larvae. yucks. i was going to say i wish i was a butterfly. then i rmbed they spend most of their lives as caterpillars before they are given wings. that kind of struggle is just like life. so sad. xian ku hou tian. i want to enjoy sweet retirement. but i dont want to suffer hardship lei. doctors earn so much right. they slog like crazy for 20 years in school and then when they start working the money just flows in. so nice ah. too bad i don't got no brains for medicine. im just a penny near the drain that no one even bothers to pick up. which is fine. but if i have to live my life like that, i rather be a penny in a well. o ya. i saw a squirrel in school last week. so cute. and the area has so so so many lizards. those green ones that hide themselves in the trees and come out to sunbathe? theyre so strange. does anyone notice the mynahs? they are one of the most interesting birds to observe! sometimes u see a 'family' together...browner downy youngsters learning the ropes. the way they scan the ground for insects. it is interesting to watch them communicate too. less and less crows to look at. they did a great job controlling the numbers. bang! bang! bang! crows fall from the sky. i admire how they will gang up to protect one of their own. although that spells trouble for passerbys. pigeons... seem to have decreased in number as well. the pigs of the fowls. with less crows and pigeons , feels like the mynah population exploded. i wonder where the sparrows went? maybe im too distracted by mynahs la. oooooooooooooh ya. i saw a mynah eat roadkill. at least i think it was roadkill. seemed to have feathers. disgusting eh? damn. i think/say so much more than do. tch. TOP OF PAGE
Tuesday, July 07, 20099:20 pm
wa. must be a record. i havent blogged in so long????? um. saturday was huishan's bday party. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. quite fun eh. hahaha the cake was killer! durian cake!!!!!!! and sunday i spent at home. doing nothing. i think. monday was school. den went orchard to shop. and walked to that rochor soy bean place. awesome! and tuesday also boring. i have a headache. i already popped 2 pills this morning. finished one box of nurofen liao. in one month? probably TOP OF PAGE
Thursday, July 02, 200910:21 pm
the best and worst
when will it end if the best times of your life are also the worst? or i should be more optimistic it would feel like i have some degree of control over where im headed if i say life is about choices. and i just gotta start being more proactive. i can only sum up that the best path is usually the one that's the most difficult to be on. * u could say it is a cool night. this room is the coldest in the house! even the floor feels cooler. sleeeeepy......... cant sleep yet. pract test tmr. should do some kind of revision. im so pathetic right now im embarressed to use certain words that just scream loser. TOP OF PAGE
7:45 pm
want to run away :(
oh. i saw a very big lizard today. it was longer than the length of my hand and fatter than my thumb. don't know what that red thing on its back is. sometimes i think lizards are so stupid. but thank you for eating the flies. **** still. im still wondering if i should be studying something else. and it's not cuz i got shitty results for the tests la (i did do quite badly. haha! eh, i studied, ok? it's not so much the numbers that are bothering me. but it's made me lose confidence, so bad im lost right now) . it's also not that i find optometry boring. it is quite fascinating! geeky as it sounds. it's more like my whole attitude to this thing. u know. healthcare. im not detail oriented so im probably gonna miss anything that isnt larger than 2mm in diameter. im not diligent. i like to do things like the wind. ie just breeze over everything. an attitude like that is probably science's worst enemy. im not disciplined enough to deal with science my whole life. i wish things would come to me just like that. for half my life, they did. now i can't deal with it. im not creative enough to take arts. i never even considered it much in secondary school. it was 100% science. i never did well for humanities la. and the best compliment i got from my art teacher back then was 'beautiful complementary colours!' i believe it was a dark kind of purple, and a bright shade of green. come to think of it, a little bit like mangosteen and its stem, though i did not think of it then because i didnt get the chance to eat mangosteens much (expensive ma!) :S and my english is just some shitty-ass half-baked far-from-anywhere level. im just random. i want to do my own thing la! i don't want to be compared with anyone else! that's impossible, isnt it? no no no no no no no this is as good a time to think things through. it wouldve been better if i'd done it earlier. i wish i had tried something else when i was younger. i guess im a little sour. i know it was partly because i did do best in science. but it's also like, im stuck here now because it just never occurred to me to try anything else. and why was that? because of that freaking stupid mindset that everyone in singapore had/has: that science was where the future was. and since i was doing pretty good with science, i never second guessed what i should go into. why is it that the science classes are where people with the highest scores go? since people naturally equate high scores with all that is magnificent, i had that crazy impression that that was the only path for me. i think there is something very wrong with the system. really really wrong. they make people think that non-science stream people are inferior! eh. shit u. shit u. there's no such thing as inferior when youre comparing apples and oranges, is there? cuz theyre totally different things! ah. maybe healthcare science is not for me. to be honest i did consider mass comm after O's. cuz the only other thing i liked, besides chemistry, was english. i mightve considered some kind of graphics design, cuz that looked so damn cool la! HAHAHAHA but stupid la. i came from pure science class. shit u. (oh. i liked music too. just not the thoery bits. HAHAHAHA. especially the beansprouts, or the theory of appreciating music. it's all ridiculous to me. if u like it u like it la! wth. do u need to teach me whether or not i should like something?) but mass comm was met with a frown from dad and was quickly dismissed. well i doubt mass comm wouldve been my cup of tea anyway. i hear that place is full of the kind of people i detest. can anyone suggest something a little less strict than science? where i don't have to worry about nittygritty sticky details. i don't know what to do anymore compared to my classmates, i suppose i bring 'carelessness' to another level. hm. oh. since everyone fucked up the first instrumentation test, this BIG SHOCK is sure to propel them to work even harder!!!!!!!! shit. shit that. thats the last thing i need. yes. the world i see is very small. maybe i should go to some developing country, drive a river taxi, get killed by guerrillas one day. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, July 01, 200910:54 pm
superstition
aye aye. not that i want to or like to pule, but i have been pretty unlucky lately. hai. change my mindset? is it that easy? nothing has been going according to plan! nothing nothing nothing. i don't even know how to change things! i don't even know what's wrong? i feel like everything is beyond control. it is frustrating the hell out of me. i find myself thinking, perhaps the stars/planets are aligned wrongly. perhaps how mars, saturn jupiter and venus are lining up at this moment forms a big middle finger pointing at me. seriously. maybe not these planets. maybe a cluster of distant stars. actually when u think about it this way, they will always form something bad la, cuz there are so many gazillion stars hanging around the universe. today i suddenly thought optometry's not the thing for me. actually recently i thought many things are not for me. i am not for many things. feel so defeated, even though i cant remember taking part in any battles. or perhaps, its such a drawn out battle i don't even remember when it started. oh oh wait. i think they call this life. i suppose the battle started when i opened my eyes for the first time. i don't even have any interests. i can't find anything i want to do. except laze around all day. i suppose this is what the typical student is like. hmmmm i think i had more motivation, more hope, more goals, more direction when i was younger. ah. they call them 'hopes and dreams'. they were all gone before i realised it. life was so much better with them. there was reason to live. there was meaning to struggle. if only they were physical objects. or maybe liquid, so i could have them injected into me. i hate non-physical things. what was the word for them? i hate how i can't hold on to them. i can't even trap them in between my hands like dust. :( yesterday, on the train damn, life just gets worse as we get older was what i thought while looking at a secondary school kid. it was a random thought that popped into my head. i wasnt even mulling over anything. perhaps i am getting old. aaaaah ahhhhhhhhhhhh reality is such a bother! i want to turn on the spot 3 times and leave these shackles on the ground. :( it seems like no matter what i do, i am just shifting this feeling of uneasiness around. it's true. this is all in the mind. i think mine is pretty messed up. rewire mine? |