Thirteen Rabbits

i have a cluster of 4 little ulcers on my lower lip. it is a cruel cycle.
lips too dry -> cracks -> swells -> increased frequency of biting lip accidently while chewing -> multiply by 4. yes i bit my lip accidently on 4 different occasions -> cluster of 4 ulcers + 3 little 'blot haemorrhages' on my lower lip, which is still a little swollen (no surprise there)

oh it hurts so much to drink anything warm. hai.
i wish i could put a band-aid on my lip. :(

ah. full day at the hospital tmr.

dad bought a new modem. the one that can support 2x the old speed. is it really 2x faster? who knows? so many things affect whether i can stream a video smoothly.

what it hasnt fixed though, is how i get disconnected now and then. or how msn messenger remains connected but internet explorer cant load shit.

i feel people have lost their sense of responsibility. responsibility and discipline. it's a sad sad thing.

im expecting my gmarket parcel to arrive next week! i think to hope it will arrive by friday is being too optimistic. excited!

i need a new wallet. and a black bag. considering working part time after the semester is finished. need money desperately. need money for holiday!!

joining various studies to get some moneyyyyyyy hahahahaaha wish i cld join something with higher $ incentive!

ah/ just remembered why i can't sleep just yet.
waiting for the focaccia to bake. half hour more! few-hours-old focaccia for breakfast! yummyyyyyyyy

this year i am totally uninterested in the world cup.
my neighbour one floor down keeps cheering a split second earlier than the rest of the block. i think it is really weird. i think my neighbour is crazy.

i need to lose weight. i really do. i am afraid to step on the scales. i wince at my reflection (except at home, become my mirror is kind and warps me thin).
hai.

am i the only one who thinks the show Glee is super gay? i think the lead girl is overdramatic when she lip syncs, and the other guy is just gay. ok. i'll be kind. he doesnt look gay, but when he starts 'singing' he is very gay. no wait. i extend that to the rest of the cast as well. anyone who starts lip syncing in a melodramatic fashion is gay!
did i mention that show is gay?
sheesh.

*
well it seems the match between england and germany was great. too bad i missed it. if i had to support a team, it wldve been germany. and not because they won la. pffft. but this year im not too interested in the world cup. im more miffed - in fact i am SUPER miffed - that i missed the lunar eclipse on saturday (the type where you don't have to worry about blinding yourself). i was so excited about it on friday night. promptly forgot about it 5 minutes later. whats worse, i couldnt find my specs and left the house with 6/36 vision. so much for appreciating the eclipse. it probably wasnt too spectacular..but still! T_T

will i be able to see the one next month?

ate so much. school vacation = overeat. sadded. going to start fasting when school starts on monday. :(

mum says i talk to much. fidget too much. i am 100% not the type of daughter she expects me to be. can't say i blame her for saying something like that, because sometimes i say pretty mean things to her. it is a complicated thing, but to put things simply, it is because she is really strange and i am really impatient. i will try to be less scathing.
talk too much. fidget too much. doesnt wear skirts. 100% not girly.
i think she expects girls to be sweet, demure, quiet, still. of course, a girl shouldnt have a problem with wearing skirts. or floral prints. or prints in general. hm.

tch. i wish she'd give up on me ever becoming someone even close to that. the day i don't talk or fidget so much is the day i am depressed. and why would i want to feel like life is absolutely meaningless?! and emo the whole day, wondering why i should bother to continue living if i was never going amount to anything? that the future held nothing? nothing to look forward to. nothing to even hope for?
that isnt living.

i have been thinking a little bit about religion.
people who have ever been depressed/gone through a tough phase in life and found solace/salvation in god like to say god saved them. god helped them through it. through the evils and whatnot. yea yea. ok. (bearing in mind that i am an anti-theist. is that possible? .. lets not get technical) i just nod and smile politely and feel happy for them. and i do sincerely feel glad for them that they crawled out of a shithole in life, but i cant help but scoff at those who readily attribute this 'feat' to some higher/divine power. im not here to argue about the existence of god. i prefer to think it was all psychological. people need to give this source of strength a body in order to relate to it. so they came up with a humanoid figure and put him on an altar. alternatively, the god they believe is really the power of self. i am always in awe of the power of the mind. i do believe that if your mind tells you that something is so, then you will accept it, even if the idea is absolutely ridiculous.

this brings me to the next enigma - the soul
carbon, water, bunch of other elements/compounds like iron make up the human body.
elements build molecules. these build cells.
cells make up tissues/organs.
they say the soul of an animal is in the brain. to me, the brain is like a lump of fat with electrical signals coursing through it. how does a lump of fat with electricity in it think? how does it make decisions? it isnt through mathematical equations / probability like a computer. how does it feel?
how does it become life?

well no point thinking too much
i have digressed anyway.

so yes. god is just a bunch of people's active imagination. not necessarily a bad thing unless the people who thought it up were really deviant, then we can expect really strange teachings.


*

sleepy. need to study. unfortunately i have no idea what are the contraindications for the antiglaucoma drugs.

i hate dramasss hate hate hate hate hate
i have to turn up the music just to drown out the stupid tv. with the stupid drama. why do people like to watch drama? isnt everyone complaining about how hard life is? why expose yourself to drama? stupid dramas. whose life is so full of drama anyway?

2-week break is almost over. dammmmit.
still studying for pharmacology. i know very soon i will be at saturation, and start mixing up facts.

this afternoon i watched an especially good episode of Scrubs. ah.

sian sian. mind is working overtime on rubbish again. so annoying.
the brain's capacity to retain memories is amazing.

at least
this week's episode of arakawa was good! i like sister in a bear suit, the abuse of 'aura of authority', stella's KO move on mistaken-Rik, and Rik's Dad's aversion to Takai. lol!

oh im so glad!
the weather is lovely today!
overcast skies, cool wind, raining half the day. temperature in the mid20s.
just lovely!!

5 degrees cooler and it will be perfect! peerrrrrfect!!!!!!

tch. i was planning to head down to the library tomorrow but once again, ive picked the wrong day cuz the library will be closed. blooody hell. bloooooooody hell!!!!
why do i always have such lousy timing? whatever it is, i just miss the opportune moment.

*

well ive just submitted my low vision quiz i hope i did not mess up too badly.

*

"I need to go to the library and print those stupid things"
i wonder if i talked to myself (out loud) enough, could i pronounce words better?

T_T saddedddddd i just realised i won't be having observation sessions with my favorite doctor anymore cuz my last two sessions are with the optoms and at the OT!

ahhhhhh i feel almost emo because of schoolwork. i think.
100% confused. 100% falling behind.

well the NEA's finally catching litterbugs and fining them! yay! call me uptight but i hate litterbugs. no trashcan so what? that's not even an excuse! hold on to it till you see one! makes me wonder what on earth parents are teaching their children! mei you jiao yang, u know? does everyone have a domestic helper now? cant clean up after yourself? RETARDS!

saw another example of lousy parenting at the supermarket. mum so busy chiding the child she didnt even notice that she's bumped into a frail old man behind her, causing him to drop his umbrella. retarded dad who should have seen it didnt help the old man pick it up. retards, right?
what the hell? even if u had tunnel vision u wld be able to hear the umbrella drop! i can only keep repeating the words 'retard' in my head. the man mustve been in his 80s! retard. retard!

*

ive been having bloody dreams. hmmmmmmmmmmm unpleasant. first dream, my ears kept popping. very uncomfortable. it was like there was something between my ears and suddenly it migrated to my sinuses. it was supposed to be blood! wth? last i remember i had a huge clot righttttt at the back of my throat. urgh.

the other dream involved me stabbing the shit out of someone i didnt know. there wasnt a lot of blood. in fact there was a surprising lack of blood. i was wondering why won't this guy die!?!?!?! all was done in self defence of course.
still quite disturbing.

*

i checked my blackboard quizzes and realised they only used the grades from the first-attempt. damn.

poof. it's so annoying that i cant get a proper night's sleep!
i wake up too many times! frustrating!!

hai.

i have one sleeping pill im saving for dunnowhatoccasion.

i need to invest in a proper under-eye concealer :(

i want to sleep through the night pffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
i don't want to wake up at 130pm. i don't want to sleep at 2am. i want to wake up and feel rested. god sleep is such a slippery fella.

sometimes i think my levator's not working very well. it's like my lids are 20% lower than they should be. it's like my eyes are only half open (the math doesnt add up, i know). i wonder what an eyelid surgery could do for me. or botox. only wondering.


oh yea. i still love my Kate purchases! wonderful foundation and eyebrow pencil!