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Thursday, September 30, 201012:29 am
reading
helllllllloooooooooo i think im going crazy from all this reading. well, maybe not really. i feel like i have so many many many things in my brain but i can't get my thoughts organised. and im only trying to write up the introduction+objectives! i read some, get a rough idea, write some, then read somemore, and get another idea... it never ends! which is a good/bad thing that i enjoy/hate at the same time. this is all very paradoxical. getting ideas is good. reading the papers is enjoyable. bad that im a scatterbrain. hate that i cant concentrate!!! i know it is because i open too many tabs and too many articles at one time. but i cant wait because i tend to forget to do whatever it is later! shittttttttttttttt man i need a different approach. thank god for endnote. thank god for UM's institutional access to journals! but for some weird reason i cant download any articles from BJO or something. i know i have access to that journal! maybe its the cookies. i don't know why im only having trouble with this now. i don't believe it was an issue in the past! i hope we figure out how to use the stupid/intelligent image software! (it's stupid because i cant figure out how to use it, it is intelligent because it is a nifty tool...if i ever get round to using it) TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, September 22, 20106:20 pm
i have a short memory. or maybe thats just an excuse. perhaps i am not concentrating properly. i keep getting this feeling like im soooo close to making a connection, but before i establish that i lose my train of thought. and that's the end of that :( i hate this feeling! yes. that must be it. i am too distracted. i am only giving this article-reading 50% of my attention. the remaining is split between the telly, which im not even watching but its not like i can switch off my hearing, the unpleasant 2-day old ache in my head, and worrying about the exams, the pract test, and FYP. i hate that worrying part. it is absolutely useless, it is ruining my mood, which is ruining my holidays, and i am SURE it is one of the reasons why my exam results will suck. i am also sure the reason why i have a 2-day-old headache is because of all this stupid worrying. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, September 15, 20108:37 pm
plans
I CANT WAIT!!! FRIDAY!!!!!!!!! last day of exams!!!!!!! things i want to do when im freeeee!!!
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Tuesday, September 14, 20101:02 am
:(
horrible. horrible exams. this time is really really bad. i hope pharmacology on wednesday will give me some comfort. thank goodness i can still draw stuff to remember. pls pls pls pls pls let it be glaucoma eyedrops! or analgesics, or factors affecting drug use and response. :( TOP OF PAGE
Sunday, September 12, 201012:25 am
i think i am the next picasso Riku says: eh blackie Black says: hey yo kuku wasssuppppsss Riku writes: Black says: wat wat's tt Riku writes:  Riku says: HAHA Black says: LOL why blackie must be a dog Riku says: standard dog name what ok lor i change Riku writes:  Riku says: HAHAHAEHAHAHAHAEHAE Black says: .... thanks arrrrr Riku says: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TOP OF PAGE
Saturday, September 11, 201012:56 am
maybe it doesnt follow conventional mathematical rules..
wa. i feel some weakness in my left hand. i overuse my left hand when typing. it's all mum's fault. she made me write with my left hand when i was young. i think i was supposed to be a rightie. now im left handed but right dominant. kinda screws things up a little. my left hand is for all things fine and detailed. it has no power at all. while my right hand is for all things crude. there's no balance in my life! hahah well i just typed 2500 words in 1 hour 15minutes, answering 4 essay questions. wow it is amazing how wonderful short term memory is. i hope i don't forget all this tmr. or till thursday at least. if you are given 45minutes per question and one question is 50 marks, how long does your essay have to be? i think it should be under 1.5 pages. i managed 2 questions in under 1.5 pages, but the other 2 are 2 pages long each. im very sure something is not necessary! but i don't know what!!!!!!!! on one hand i am very sure the answers only need to be 1.5 pages long. on the other hand, where the hell are the 50marks hiding?????? the class test was 35minutes long. 1 essay. 1.2pages and 10 FREAKING MARKS ONLY!!! pffffffft. oh that paper i think was only 10% of our module. wish it was 100%. TOP OF PAGE
Friday, September 10, 201012:24 am
everytime i study for exams i think 'damn, this better pay off'
i like studying for pharmacology. it's like a story. it's a shitload of things to memorise, but it's still like a story i can regurgitate.and the drugs have got such exotic names. benzodiazepines, isoniazid, azelastine, aminoglycosides, alphagan, bimatoprost, latanoprost, diamox, digoxin! it's like singing a song. i do not like studying for binocular vision. it isnt like a story at all. it is enough to give me a nerve palsy. i do not like binocular vision because it is what i call artsy. vision therapy is artsy. it is artsy with some structure, but still very much artsy. oh, by artsy i mean hmmm not very structured? errrrrr yea. im still trying to figure out what topics i shld study for pharmacology dammit. i cant decide. analgesics, glaucoma drugs are confirmed. i need 2 more! will it be ocular side effects of systemic drugs? will it be antibiotics? oh wait. that is 2 more. haha. it would be less if the questions didnt combine lectures. tricky people.. TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, September 08, 201011:57 pm
i wish i had caller id on my mobile. hmmmm actually i don't need a phone. it is a handy camera, an mp3 player, an alarm clock. but i hardly make calls or text! which is a damn waste. someone called me just now. someone i didnt want calling me. someone i didnt want contacting me. someone who thinks i am very free. someone who thinks i can send her off even though its smack in the middle of my exam period (what a bold request). someone whose text messages i havent replied in a while. i even blocked her feeds on facebook. in fact, without those facebook updates (her neverending status updates that make no sense because the whole sentence structure is rubbish) i'd forgotten about her. she asked me over the phone 'i thought you'd forgotten me!' and i was 'no la, just been really busy'. which isnt a lie. because i did suddenly remember her existence yesterday, and i have been busy because uni isnt a walk in the park. such a needy person. i can't stand needy people. she doesnt seem to understand english too. because once i sent her a text msg: please don't sms me after 11pm. thanks. (after she smsed me at 1 or 2am- yep i mentioned her in that blog post) her reply was 'oh are you having lesson?' -_- omg woman, take a hint! leave me alone! i don't have time to entertain you, or advise you, or listen to your problems! why don't u work it out on your own? I DID!! or DO SOMETHING with your life so you cant even afford to wallow in self pity! why are your facebook updates always about how life is unfair, how humans make mistakes and youre only human, and how you should be strong and love yourself? since u know so well exactly whats screwed up in your life, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! and it isnt like your own friends arent giving you good advice! they are willing to lend a hand but youre too busy whining to grab it! pfft. sometimes i want to throw a handful of antidepressants/antipsychotics in her face. i do believe she's got unhealthy paranoia. she thinks her teacher hates her. the school counselor doesnt take her seriously. she even thinks that teacher has a relationship with her classmate. wtf. arent alarm bells going off in your head too? perhaps the most useful thing i can tell her is to recommend her to go to changi general hospital. the psychiatrist there is a very nice man. and the hospital seems nice and empty. (relatively). i think the psych department is quite small. haha! which is odd, considering how many menopausal women have depression. or whatever. well i spent 3 hours watching 9 episodes of that nurin_____ lol i can't remember the name. it's really nice! anime of course. cant wait for episode 11! TOP OF PAGE
2:38 pm
another disaster. disasterrrrrr low vision was a disasterrrrrrr next paper is monday! binocular vision and then pharmacology on wednesday and finally contact lenses on friday! i havent started on contact lenses at all. definitely something that needs preparation, but nothing useful can be found in the lecture notes. worse than ocular disease. phamarcology, as far as i know, is a memorise and regurgitate paper. got to pick the right chapters to study... glaucoma medications? adverse reactions to drugs? should i do factors affecting drug response and antibiotics? hmmmmmm im pretty sure antiinflammatory/analgesics will be one of the questions, but that topic is difficult to answer (although easy to memorise) unlike antibiotics, which is easy to memorise and answer! really, when i answer those questions i feel like i am vomiting info. in fact, i have to write very fast because im afraid once i mentally vomit i won't be able to recall anything after that. it happens. i hope its glaucoma medications and adverse reactions! good thing it is choose 2 out of 5 qns.. TOP OF PAGE
Tuesday, September 07, 201012:44 am
i swear that is the last time i'll study for ocular disease no point studying for that paper the slide test was wtf. shitty resolution on the photos. no idea what the hell i was looking at. it was seriously shitty quality. they printed in color, but they used regular paper. when u print color on regular paper, it kinda blotches a lot! the ink just spreads out as it is absorbed by the paper! otherwise the printer they used has horrible resolution! i think the slide test bit's gonna do me in because i have no idea how much i was supposed to write. it was 2marks per sub-question. 3 parts per question. thats about 6marks / qn then. it was "list the signs" 2marks "list diffferential diagnoses" 2marks "what is your management" 2marks can you be more specific like give me a number? HOW MANY ddx DO YOU WANT FROM ME? 2? 4? wtf. and the part asking for management was shit. if i cannot give u a diagnosis, how can i manage? hello? was i supposed to list the mx for ALL the ddx i just listed? see there was this photo of papoilloedema that's what i suspected. that's what my classmates said their answers were. ok fine. (u should see the photo they provided. it was just a really blurry whitish 'starburst' kinda pattern over the ONH. but see, the whole fundus was blurry too, because of the shitty resolution. was it a papilloedema? was it peripapillary atrophy? ok. so i put my ddx as papilloedema, myelinated nerve fibers (again, how many was i supposed to put?) so i threw in buried disc drusen as well. perhaps i shouldve wrote tilted disc too. next, management. FOR WHAT CONDITION? WHAT IS THE DIAGNOSIS? EITHER WAY, if it REALLY IS PAPILLOEDEMA, my management would be to refer the px to the hospital for an MRI/CT/Spinal tap/B scan to rule out buried disc drusen. is the question expecting me to pretend im an ophthalmologist and say things like 'tell the px to lose weight! thats why she's got raised intracranial pressure!' or 'reassure the px? because it is just buried disc drusen'. am i supposed to be an optom or an ophthalmologist? im confused! and this is a 2mark question! how much should i write??? what the hell man. REALLY. i am very upset! i hope they don't expect 4 answers for every 2mark question or i will freaking fail. TOP OF PAGE
Saturday, September 04, 201012:18 am
panic mode
oh no no no it is saturday first paper ocular disease is on monday! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't even know what i don't know! well, actually i don't know a lot. and ocular disease is so broad! nothing u study for ever comes out for the exam! T_T the other thing im worried about is how im gonna wake up at 630am for the 9am paper. i don't wake up till 2pm these days! even if i turn in at 3am!! will i even fall asleep?! worrying about sleep is no good. it prevents u from falling asleep! T_T ok im gonna set my alarm for 8am tonight. try to normalise my sleep pattern T_T hmmm the practical test at ttsh isnt so soon, but should i start hoping for a diabetic retinopathy/maculopathy case? i mean, it is impossible to miss haemorrhages/exudates, right? i dont think i want AMD unless there's a shitload of drusen or very obvious grey-green CNVM and someone tells me the px has metamorphopsia. ah ahah ahahaha i hope no glaucoma either - i always forget to check ISNT. but the worst is CD ratio. yes thats supposed to be common sense but sometimes it isnt so clear cut. i must make sure i get stereoview! OH NO WAIT i don't think i want diabetic maculopathy. what if the px has CSME and i miss it! ahhhhhhh stereoviewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! what if what if what if the px has had PRP but that was done eons ago and the scar creep and everything makes everything difficult to recognise? what if the px has a very tesellated fundus and i can't make out what's what? NOOOOOOOOOOO why can't everyone's retina be as pigmented as mineeeee what if i miss a PVD? what if i miss an RD? what if i miss a retinopexy? omggggggggggg oh no no no what if i have to do pupil reaction? what if i miss a marcus gunn? oh no no no no i must rmb to look properly for dilatation! T_T i do think i will need some kind of sedative before the test. i get nervous just looking at the schedule. im (one of ) the last students of the day! and we get like 5minutes to see the px 15 minutes for the whole assessment which includes presentation and discussion with the ophthalmologist T_T omg please give me a patient who speaks english or mandarin and isnt too sensitive to light!!! PLEASE GIMME A PX WHO FIXATES!!! T_T im stressing myself out because year 2 results account for 67% of the course. T_T i need to chill. chilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll TOP OF PAGE
Friday, September 03, 201012:34 am
craving
i should stay away from durians. at times i feel like im just about to fall sick can't have that during the exam period! still i would really really like some gooey nutty chocolate brownies TOP OF PAGE
Wednesday, September 01, 20101:42 am
it will be over very soon
the internet is making a fool of me. when i want to blog, blogger won't load. when i want to access flashcards, stupid cards won't load but now blogger will. so here i am blogging. i am losing hair. really. everytime i run my fingers thru my hair a few strands fall out. so scary. i think exams really taking a toll on my head. :( ive got it all planned out later tonight i'll have to take a sleeping pill so i can sleep at a normal timing and attend tmr's OD lecture and LV presentation. haha. instead of sleeping at 7am. bloody hell. i have successfully screwed up my internal clock. i just heard dad leave the house. he's probably gone for a jog or something? it is 610am. -_- and here i am pretty awake. worrying about the ocular disease paper. it is kinda annoying to sleep when the sun's rising. very bright. |